So we had it out tonight...

[SirPrizeMe]

Wow, pregant OW is hard to take. Wow. I feel for you. This is very complicated.

So while I'm helping him get dressed I asked, "Why didn't you tell me so I could help you?!" his response was, "Cuz I thought you wanted to be by yourself, so I didn't wanna bother you." Ummmm...hello?! So I told him that's what I'm here for, is to help him! Did I mention clueless?! I got him all situated, gave him his meds and came back into the office.

Let me just sort of reflect back what I feel from what you wrote. My feeling is that you have this impatience with him, like you don't really approve of the things he is doing or the decisions he is making. (bonehead, etc).

I can completely empathize with that viewpoint. But, I am betting that it is not attractive to him.

So how about this for an alternative exchange....

you: were you able to get in the shower?
him: Yes.
you: you ok? (concerned)
him: No. not really.
you: yeah, you look a little woozy. (caring) Here, let me help you get dressed.

a little later...
you: you know, I'm happy to help you. (note: not WHY DIDN't YOU ASK FOR HELP, BONEHEAD??!)
him: well, I thought you wanted to be by yourself.
you: I am here to serve!! (smiling, endearment, maybe a soft caress on his shoulder or head) (note: banish thoughts such as "clueless" and "ummmmm.... hello?")

ok, that is one way to go.

OR.... you could be on a totally different track. Could be you are really not happy with him and want him to know that and you're giving him the "you're on your own, buster" treatment.

In which case, offer no help at all, but give empathy.

---

If I had to guess I'd say he feels like sh!t about the situation, but still cannot stop it. which makes him feel worse. and you being nice to himm also makes it worse.

But I guess I have a hard time understanding why HE doesn't understand how hard it is for me as well ya know.

news flash: You will get no empathy from him! you want empathy? find a trusted friend. Come to this forum. (personally I think the forum can help, but cannot replace a friend you can touch and see.) But don't ask for empathy from him.