Maybe it's Midlife Crisis at any age?

[brandnewday]

Hey Poet,
Just sending you hugs.
(((hugs)))

[Silver Fox]

Hi Poet,

This is my first post to you. I'm new here & have not gotten too many posts myself. I've been following your story though & we have some similarities.

I'm trying to be nice & handle a divorce filing at the same time too. My h still continues to "visit" & brings his laundry even though his apartment building has a laundrymat.

I think you are doing a great job! I agree with the others, there is an attachment he's reluctant to give up - laundry is just an excuse.

[qoe100]

Hi Poet,
Barb is right, if you don't get responses, visit Surviving and let us know. We'll come check you out and do what we can.

Sorry you're here but, trust me, it really does get better in time. Hang in there.

[happynow]

Hi Poet,

I'm sorry I wasn't around to post to you! I think you did great!!!

Also, don't think your H has heard from his L, I know when my L would send my H's L a proposal, sometimes it would be 3 days before my H would see it. I would always know when he got it b/c he would be mad & say "I have nothing to say to you" or one time he came in drunk & said "why do you hate me".

Be calm, stay strong, pray, pray, pray!!!

(((HUGS)))

[pat44]

Hi Poet:

Just wanted to stop by and check on you.

take care,
AG

[BarbieDoll]

Poet & Silver Fox:

When I first came to the bb it took a little while before I had regular posters visiting my thread. But I tried to learn more about DBing and to visit their threads and offer some suggestions when I could get past my own pain. The more I visited others, the more they visited me.

I pop back here from time to time but I've noticed that many in the early stages don't want too much info from me since I was unable to save my marriage. Ultimately, marriage saving is everyone's goal but if it can't be done - Divorce Busting is also very much about saving yourself. About making a better life for yourself no matter what. This is not to say you shouldn't try - absolutely not. Do whatever you have to do if you want to have a shot at it. I did and I have no regrets about it. And only you can say how much you will do and for how long.

So, you both should support each other and watch - friends here are like a snowball. You start small and it grows. Others will come.

And as Jill and I have said - any time you need someone - pop over to my thread on Surviving. We've all been through this and will come to help you. We also play around a bit and if you need some lightness - that's the place.

TGIF!

Love Barb

[poet]

Below you will find the email my atty wrote to my H's atty two days ago. First, my atty called and left a message for me this morning to call her back, which I did. But, I had to leave her a message. Then, my H called me on the work phone (so he now knows I still have a job). He said his atty called him this morning to report that I want an "uncontested" divorce. He said he will do this but he wanted to make sure. I said, "You need to speak with your atty. Don't you believe your atty? Why are you asking me," He spewed something about never being sure about me because I say one thing and then say something else (meaning he didn't believe his atty.). Then I told him again, "I said that I wanted you to be happy and stay in the house."

He began saying something else, and I began to get broken up. I reiterated that I wanted him to be happy and it that means him staying in the house, etc, etc. Then he started spewing something else out. I said I don't understand why he can't just talk to me about this because he's wasting so much money with the attys., and that he is upsetting me right now, and I am at work.

"I have to go," I said. "Goodbye," and I hung up. I hope I handled that well.

Then my atty called me and said, "I have to tell you about the drama this morning with your H's atty." She said that Michelle called her to tell her she was going to file today. Then my att. told her she sent an email two days ago. My attn. actually had to read it to her. Michelle then got all happy and said, "OK, how shall we proceed?" They -- the three of them -- decided that we would exchange financial disclosures and the attys. would touch base on Sept. 9th.

That's about it. If I think of more, I'll write tonight.
poet



Dear Michelle,

I have spoken with my client regarding proceeding forward in an uncontested manner. My client wishes you to know that she loves her husband and does not want this Dissolution Of Marriage. She does, however, respect his wishes and wants to resolve this matter in an amicable manner. She would like for him to be happy and if that means allowing your client to remain in the marital home after the dissolution of marriage is final, my client wants to be able to give him that wish.

Thank you! I look forward to hearing from you regarding this matter.

[BarbieDoll]

Poet:

Hugs! It sounds like it was a rough morning for you.

You did fine! Do you REALLY want your H to stay in the house. If you don't - you must speak up now.

If your H calls you at work and it disrupts business - you are right to remind him you are at work and it is not a good time.

My H used to upset me so much that I finally had to direct him to have all discussions with the Lawyer but that was near the end and up to present day.

How do you feel it has gone?

Barb

[poet]

Ok, so much for going black, but, black I'm not! Maybe I'm just midnight blue.

I have more news to tell. I guess the H figured it was safe to come home today since he called me on my job phone and found out I am still working.

I had strategically placed his Christmas card above the back door before I left for work. So, when he opened the door, the card fell down on the floor. He he he he :). It worked! He picked it up and put it face down on the counter next to the door. "Oops, I got caught," I'll bet he thought??? Yep, he did.

I called him and very nicely suggested that he was home today. He, very guiltily, said, "Yes. I brought some dog food, but I didn't take anything, nothing, nothing." (Dog food that he didn't need to bring yet. There is still a half of a bag left).

I said very calmly and politely, "Well, you really don't need to be coming home anymore when I'm not here. Call and ask first, OK?" He said he would. Now, we'll see.

I feel empowered!

At least I had a reason to call him this time. And, believe it or not, he was ingratiating. That's a good sign, I think.


poet
_________________________

[Neilh23]

hey good job Poet. I'm proud of you and you should be proud of yourself. you handle it very well. you're growing and becoming more independent...which is what you want!!!
Keep it up.

and i know...Twindad would be proud too..:-)

stay strong girlie...i'm thinking of you!!!