My L has already been on the other side of a divorce case with W's attorney -- thus they've already been in negotiations with each other. My L says that the other atty is a "nice person" and fairly easy to work with, although I gather that the firm she works for is not known for being nice. We'll see.
One of the things my L wants to get an answer to is why W has decided to proceed with moving into an apartment when the house hasn't yet been sold. My L is going to ask her L and let her know that her client is still going to be liable for half the mortgage and utilities on the marital home until it does sell, so why is she going to also take on the added expense of a monthly apartment lease? (W is crazy, what else could it mean?)
I left work today early to meet with S3's pre-K teacher. W was there. The W and I have been getting along relatively well considering. We both had a little levity with the teacher while talking out our S. We almost seem to be cooperative co-parents now. Almost.
S3 chose yet again last night and tonight to stay with W. I don't blame him for wanting to be with his mother, being as he's only three -- and he doesn't know or care right now what kind of person his mother really is or what she has done and is doing. It hurts, yes, but I want to encourage him to feel free to say if he needs to be with W instead of me. I warned W in the parent-teacher meeting there would come a day when S3 desires more to be with his father than his mother, and she needs to prepare herself for that.
Afterwards I picked up S7 from school and took him by the house so he could give the homemade greeting card, by S7 and S3's own hands, to their mother -- it is W's birthday today. She seemed appreciative of that. I even asked her did she want both of our S's to stay with her tonight since it was her birthday. She declined saying she can celebrate with them this weekend when she has custody.
W had not one but two bouquets of flowers delivered to her for her birthday. One was one from her sister. The other -- a massive, very expensive arrangement --was, as she put it at first, "from her office". I was tempted to steal a glimpse of the card on that latter bouquet, but resisted -- even though it appeared to be open and in plain sight, curiously.
However, and this was sort of funny, S7 saw the card and whipped it out of the bouquet -- I then inadvertently caught some of what was printed on the card. To top it off, S7 asked out loud, "So, who's 'Bob'?" (the words, "Love, Bob" were at the bottom.)
I told S7 to put it back. W replied in response to S7's nosey question, "A friend."
I said nothing and then decided it was time for S7 and I to leave. I asked S3 again if he was sure he wanted to stay with W, and he did. I was bothered less by that than by W's coy response to S7. I hate that this got to me, in fact I was starting to get peeved, and I didn't like feeling this way. I felt again that same pain, the reopening of old wounds. I saw that W had left the card turned outward in plain view and I suspect she either didn't care if I saw it or not or was hoping to get a rise out of me. I hated being baited and falling for it. I maintained my composure, but made my exit as soon as I could, though S7 wanted to persist in asking his mother questions.
So many things hit me all at once when I saw that birthday gift. Such a large and expensive arrangement -- had to have been close to $100 or more -- is so galling. Never in all our years of M would W have ever accepted such a gift from me. She'd have had my head on a platter for "wasting" such money.
Another thing: "Bob" was the pet-name (or code name?) W gave to OM in their emails -- it was their little inside joke. Or so I had concluded. It doesn't really matter. The fact is that W is again flaunting her so-called "friend" to me and others. Perhaps with me seemingly no longer openly opposing her plan for D, if not advocating it, W feels that her plans are now back in motion to pursue the R with OM openly.
My first reaction is to hate her for this, for hurting me and being so brazen and callous in her contempt for me. Like I am inhuman and incapable of feeling anything. But then in humility I can overlook that and realize she is the one who is the loser here -- what does it profit her to gain all that she wants of this world when she is losing her very soul?
And then I realize again that she is still the mother of my children with great influence on their lives, and how her selfish actions jeopardize the security and serenity in their own lives. I realize how poorly she models righteous moral standards now because of her continual willful sins. And then I get angry and disgusted yet again on a whole new level for the sake of my children.
The transgression against me, I can eventually let go and forgive. The sins against my family and against my children? I can't forgive that as much. Frakk her.
