So, I am in the best mood. I almost don't want to talk about it lest I spoil the moment. But strangly enough it has to do with the W.
Last night when I got home she was asleep, but not downstairs like the few other times. She was in my bed. Before I go on, nothing happened. I just decided to get into bed, go to sleep and more or less pretend she wasn't there. Now at one point something woke us. I rolled over and without thinking threw my arm over her...I realized and started to remove it but before I could she grabbed my hand and pulled it around her. I eventually took my arm back and again pretended she wasn't there (I won't lie though I enjoyed it). Then morning came, Neighbor set off his car alarm, our alarms went off we snoozed and eventually I got up to wake the kids.
I almost laughed out loud when the radio show came on with ironic stories that could have been about W and our sitch. I quickly hit snooze.
She was up dressed and leaving as I returned from waking D9. I said,"bye", She hugged me as we met in the hall and I wished her good luck today starting her new temp job. (Ok, I did reciprocate the hug and there was a quick peck.)
I don't think I'm reading too much into this (or anything at all). But something about it makes me feel good.
Earlier yesterday evening she called me to tell me about her first bartending job, I decided to be there and listen. At the end of the call I told her I would be late and that while I aim to be home between 10 and midnight I might be longer. She joked about having plans again late that night (kind of like she thought it would be a crazy idea)and thanked me for letting her know so clearly and that she would be asleep. (I assumed on the couch) She did not text or call me again.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
Why 50/50? She has been perfectly satisfied not having them 50% of the time. The longer this goes on the more of a precedence has been set for less visitation for her, although if she wants to step up to the plate I'm not suggesting you hog the kids.
Sorry Phoenix, I missed this post while typing mine.
From the very beginning she has suggested that we both agree to split custody evenly. I initialy was not ok with that for a few reasons mainly I didn't want to trade the kids around nor is it really acceptable to me to miss out on seeing them every day.
As the sitch progressed and I db'd and worked on myself I reallised that eventually I had to be ok with "some" sort of arrangement if we split up for good. So I agreed to 50/50 a week on, a week off once my W gets a job and can find housing suitable for the kids to live with her some of the time.
This both makes me terribly sad yet at the same time fills me with resolve to get on with my life. If the 50/50 ever comes to be I will have no trouble filling my "me" week with fun events for myself and my "kid" weeks with fun stuff for the three of us.
The whole thing is a little complicated because I will not have legal custody of my stepdaughter if we are divorced. W wants me to act "as-if" I do.
She does seem to be enjoying her super awesome single life but "she say's" it's unfulfilling and she misses the kids. Actions speak louder than words though, especially in this situation.
I like having the kids with me almost all the time. At first it was a bit of a shock to be in single dad mode but we have been really finding our groove. I'd say that some areas of our life are better than ever due to the changes that have occured lately.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I feel like journaling but don't really have much to say. My good mood lasted all day yesterday, W was supposed to pick up the kids after work but called and asked if I could at the last minute. I made it work and the three of us (me, D4 and D9) had a nice evening. I have a feeling that D9 snuck some extra gameboy time after bedtime the little sneak...LOL, no worries...she got up for school so I'm not going to press it this time. Now that I mention it D9 had some brief outbursts right before dinner but things calmed down quickly. I think that I do DB her sometimes which is pretty funny.
Today is bike night so I'm looking forward to that. Was going to go to the gym but my buddy flaked. After, I'll think of something or go home early. I have to coordinate weekend plans with W anyway.
Last edited by HopefultotheEnd; 08/28/0810:05 PM.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I'm in one of my "wierd" places again. Not really sad or hurt but doubtful perhaps. I came home early last night from bike night, W and I planned out the weekend, I did share some things that are going on at work that are kinda serious (pre strike stuff), I listened to her vent about her new job and validated that I can understand how frustrating the accounting software she's using can be. She asked again about who I had on the back of my motorcycle, I jokingly brushed it off and said that I should start my video so I didn't stay up too late.
As she was leaving she playfully chided me for not waking her up the night she slept over, mentioning that she woke up with my arm around her. I reminded her that I did wake her, and that she asked me what time it was and then rolled over. I also told her the story about her pulling my arm around her, Not sure I should have but she smiled. Also not sure if I should have told her that I liked it but I did.
I was really animated and happy the whole evening. It had nothing to do with her, I just was in a pretty good mood. I even let a few things go that I could have commented on.
Her not remembering bothers me a little. In some ways it feels defeating. But I can't say that it's a huge deal.
She initiated a hug as she left and we were laughing as she went out the door. I could have kept my distance more, but I guess I wanted to try a hybrid approach, something new where I allow conversation to flow a little beyond the bare minumum. I don't want to talk to her about incidental stuff but I'm starting to feel that if the only things I talk to her about are money problems and childcare issues that she will begin to associate negative things to any contact with me. I still pretty much have no contact other than when we make arrangements or when I get home from one of "my" nights.
My biggest trouble with this is that she often mentions possible plans, sometimes including the name of OM#1 as if he's just a casual friend and it's totaly ok. So far I just redirect the convo to where it needs to be; Kids, finances, and work.
Today I made some realizations about myself and my thoughts and desires for the future...pretty interesting stuff. That's the source of my wierd mood today. (but I'll save it for another time.)
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
Well, I was just talking to W about some changes to our plans when she asked if she could get a whole day this weekend to go to a BBQ (turns out to be with OM#1 and his family.) I of course hesitated and she asked why I had issues with her hanging out with her friends. She told me that she thinks that I'm jumping to conclusions and that's why I don't want to facilitate her spending time with her friends. I told her it wasn't her "friends" in general and she asked it's just him? and I said yes. She immediatly calmed her voice and said that she understood. I told her that perhaps someday we should have a talk about this just not now and changed the subject. We then talked about next week and her upcoming plans to go to vegas next wed. She wants time to run errands before her trip so prob doesn't want the kids on her day Tuesday.
I feel like I have two choices. I can either drop it which of course has it's own consequenses for me in that this would continue because I am too nice a guy. Or, I can try to stop facilitating any social activities she has of any kind because she would in reality just lie if I tried to be selective. I don't think talking to her would do any good so this time I think I'll not make changes to my plans, not let her off a day and let her figure it out on her own if she can go to the BBQ.
I'm not ok with facilitating her going to "hang" with OM or his family.
After my last post I was really starting to have a good day too and then while I'm writing I just got some bad work news. Sigh, when it rains it pours.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
Whereas you cannot really tell her that she cannot see this OM, you don't have to make it easy on her either. I am not real familiar with your sitch, and will need to catch up a little when I get home, so I will ask you did you guys have plans that weekend or is she asking you to take the kids on her day?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
She is to have the kids this weekend. My plans have flexed since then and I'm not necessarily going to be out of town so we worked out a few changes last night. Now today she is asking for me to find a whole day where she doesn't have the kids so she can go in return for taking the kids friday (which was something I was asking for but no longer want).
Last edited by HopefultotheEnd; 08/29/0811:33 PM.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
