Something that she said was that we sometimes have a self fulfilling profecy. Sometimes we let others feel that we don't trust them (for example) even though they have never given us any reason to feel this way. Over time the person who doesn't feel trusted gets to a certian point and says/thinks something like "she doesn't trust me so why not just do X". Then we turn around and think "see I knew I couldn't trust him".
I spent a few years wondering and showing mistrust for XH and then one day my worst fear came true. Many times he told me "if you think I'm going to do X maybe I should do it just so you can be right".
She said we need to begin showing the person that we do trust them and over time they will want to prove us right.
It fits for my sitch...howabout yours?
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I am a firm believer in the power of thought. Everything she says rings true to me.
So, what are some things you are going to do to show that you have trust in H? If I remember right, on your short goal list, you had some goals that would help with this.
Not in so many words, but I did keep asking H the last month or two if we were going to be okay. Huh...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Well I think he felt appreciated this morning....Last night I asked if he could bring me to a meeting today at 9. When he dropped me off I touched his arm and said "I really appreciate you bringing me today, thank you" He smiled I told D to have a fun day and that I loved her and then I told got out of the car.
As for the trust....I have been doing really well with not calling him especially at night. I only called him Monday after 9 because I freaked about the lizard. Also I haven't asked him any questions about his wherabouts or plans.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Oh what you said that the DB coach told you about "wishful" thinking. I didn't ask H if he was having an A, just if we were going to be okay, and get through the difficulties. He kept saying yes.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Sorry Lola...I'm not "with it" today I'm afraid I'm having a blonde day
I was like that too I never asked about an A but my actions showed I didn't trust him. I think it's not what we say but how we say it sometimes too you know?
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
It's all good. And yes, I know. I remember one time H sent me a text to get the phone number for the insurance company, and I asked why instead of just giving it to him. He got really mad because he felt I was trying to be controlling. It wasn't the case, but I am finding sometimes it is about how they perceive it, you know?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Also I haven't asked him any questions about his wherabouts or plans.