NikB #28 (Piecing for sure & rings are on!)

[LaceyB]

Just stopping by to say Hi and thanks for your support, Nik. You've been such a blessing to me.

Shoulda known you were a dog rescuer...makes sense that you found me. I spent 8 years as the vp of a Great Dane rescue...had plenty of "bounce off the wall" dogs around here as fosters...now just imagine Havoc as 160 pounds and a puppy...And you can visualize true havoc!

((((((Nik))))))
Thanks for being there for a newbie. You make ALL the difference to me. You turn my bad days into hopefulness and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Your PMA regarding MY sitch is encouraging...just nice to hear someone say "I see the positives". So thanks!!!

[NikB]

OMG... Havoc as a 160 pound newbie "wall bouncer" dog??? (I'm sure I'd still love it while trying to catch it though .. but yeah, WOW!!) You're crazy

You're welcome Lacey. Even if your H doesn't right now, ILY and want to see you succeed (and I TOTALLY think you can!!).

I'm glad I can help. You're doing SO great!!!

Nikki

[MichelleLT]

I did make it to the Fair - last night! Saw the Chicago concert too!

I may go again on Friday and hit the rides, but we'll see.

So glad to see so many positives in your stitch!

I hope you hear from Havoc and family soon.

[JAK58]

HI Nik,

Hope everything is going well with you.

JAK

[NikB]

Michelle - cool! I hope Chicago was good. A bunch of co-workers went to see them last night too.

Jak - thanks. Going pretty well. I was feeling kinda off last night but much better today. I used to never buy into the "PMS" thing but I'm starting to more. I was looking back at the weeks when I'm "grumpy and not sure why" and whaddaya know. Not using it as an EXCUSE but it's good to know what it might be.

I need to check in on you, too!

Hope everyone has a great day.

[Babygirl]

Coming to read up on you lol!! WOW!! I want to tell you, reading this post gave me goosebumps!! I almost feel hope somewhere in me that I forgot about!!
You are a strong amazing woman!!
Hugs

[S.T. _I Made It!]

hey, nothing wrong with "blaming" pms. that just means it's not really YOU being beeatchy, but the hormones instead. THEN, you can be prepared when you know your coming close to those days, and you can catch yourself.

awesome about the lawn mowing and the flashing! lol you need to flash him back now.

[NikB]

Thanks ST!!

Hey I didn't say who flashed what other than the smile and the ring..

Babygirl, so glad to give you hope! It's been a long...long...lonnnnggg time.. but I am finally happy and (almost) relaxing and it feels so good. We've got a lot of similarities, look forward to seeing you blossom too.

[Babygirl]

I hope I can blossom!! Today is already hard, i have been up since he left this morning for work, 430, of course leaving early so he can leave early for his football crap.
Thank you for being here for me!!

[NikB]

Thanks Babygirl! Glad I can be of some help at least.

SMW asked me to post a summary of my sitch on her thread, and since I typed it all up I figured it might be a good time to put it here, too.

Please don't let this worry anyone - I'm not upset or dwelling or anything, just posting it here in case anyone else is curious too.

The semi-short version of my sitch:

H had a "just a good friend" from work. He's a mechanic, she works in parts. Barf. She was/is an extremely nasty and toxic woman. I swear she's got notches on her bed post of marriages she's "helped" men out of. At the time she was married, and had a married "boyfriend" at work (with a newborn baby at home no less... see? She's really a prize). Anyway, she was thinking about leaving her M, and H was unhappy in ours. Perfect right?

H didn't want me to think anything was inappropriate because after all she was "just a friend" so he started inviting her and her H over a lot, we'd go out with them, etc. After she left her H... it was just her. We spent wayyy too much time hanging out with her. I of course got more and more upset and withdrawn, so rather than looking like the "better option" I looked like the sulking, angry, not to mention weak woman. It was really awful and I let it basically destroy my self esteem. I think my 'favorite' moment to talk about from that time period was when H invited her over for dinner and a movie then called me on my way home from work and asked me to make extra food for dinner. We ate... sat on the couch with H on my left, me in the middle (very intentionally!), her on the right - and I kid you not, they started a pillow fight with each other, right over the top of me.

I felt soooo stupid during that whole time. That was roughly Dec. 05 - Nov. 06.

I finally started standing up for myself and refused to be around her as much, told H on a regular basis that I thought that their "friendship" was inappropriate, etc.

The night before our 5th wedding anniversary was the first official bomb. H had been coming home later and later, and often coming home while I was cooking dinner and it was "Oh sorry, I already ate with [OW name] and her roommate." It happened that night, and I lost it. Went up to the park and wrote furiously in a journal for awhile. H called me and begged me to come home. I did, and found him crumpled on the floor in a dark corner staring at the floor. That's when I got... I care about you but I don't love you, I never wanted to get married I just did it becaue it was the "right" thing and the "next step," I decided to leave a year ago but I haven't been able to do it yet, I considered just not coming home when I took that trip to my cousin's last year... etc. etc. etc.

I was crushed, did all the wrong things, you know the drill. I did talk him into MC and surprisingly he opened up in there. Each visit was pretty much a new bomb - but the gist was, he was done, he didn't want to work on anything, he just wanted it over but for us to stay "good friends." I told him that wasn't happening - if he followed through with it I couldn't stay friends with him. The MC talked to him for something like 3 hours one night in his last solo session with her, and eventually he decided to do a "trial separation" rather than pursue a D.

He rented a room from a friend for a couple of months, although he still spent a lot of time with me at home too.

He finally moved back in... I wish I had really thought that one through more, in hindsight. He wasn't ready and I was so excited he was home I didn't handle it right at all.

He broke off the "friendship" with OW for awhile but of course still saw her daily at work. Their "BFF" relationship (barf, again!) started back up again late summer 07. By about August of last year I felt the distance big time and knew he was heading towards separation again... but he didn't officially hit me with that bomb until I pushed it in October.

I was going to be the one to move out that time, but decided to try an "in house" separation first. I decorated a room and made it my "oasis" in the house. I chickened out on ever actually "moving," but I began doing a LOT more GALing, making sure I was busy on Friday/Saturdays especially. I basically considered us separated even though we slept in the same bed. It was a weird time.

Late winter / early spring of this year, he started coming around again... and since May or so things have been steadily getting better. I believe non-work contact with OW stopped in June or so.

VERY recently, he told me (and I do believe him) that it never became a PA, but until then I always thought that it probably had. He DOES know that it was a "friendship that went too far" (his words and it was the first time he admitted that there was anything wrong with it).