I've been pretty tired today; I think it was the adrenaline!
He sent me an email today saying 'Just to let you know I sent £200 over to the account today. H.'
That was nice, it was responding to my request to keep each other informed. I thought I'd reply with 'Cool. Thanks for letting me know'. What do you think?
I called him tonight because I am having trouble with my iTunes and he said I could call him and he'd see if he could help. I left a message and he called me back about an hour later and said he was sorry he was still out (he sounded like he was in the pub). I told him what the problem was and he said I needed a lead. He said he would bring it over when he was next round at the house, if I didn't mind waiting (I do, but hey!) I said no that's fine.
The thing I have to work on is that when I heard he was out I felt this immense jealousy. I hate that he is out without me and that he seems to be having a good life without me. I really hate that those people from work take up all his time. I feel like it leaves nothing left for me, which is what the big contention was before he left. That feeling instantly welled up in me again. I felt like an intrusion on his life and wanted to get off the phone asap so I didn't disturb him as that is how I fell/ felt. I had forgotten about this feeling. Maybe my next thing to work on. It's horrid to feel second best (well last best at the moment!)
On the plus side, he put his 'work voice' on when people were near him but softened when they went (I could hear them go) and he said 'bye' in the soft nice way he always used to.
I don't want to seem ungrateful and I see the baby steps. It just maybe that I have to find a solution to this. I have also been a bit worried about when my next opportunity will be to see him (when he comes to the house to do DIY I suppose). Then it will be house sale time...
Maybe I need to heed Kalni's advice and take it day by day.
It's horrid to feel second best (well last best at the moment!)