Sounds like there were LOADS of positives there- that's so fantastic and I'm so happy that you guys were laughing and joking together. I bet he was smiling as he left too- it's a happy memory to go into his positive memory bank. Great news!!
Well done you! Super-fab DBing
L. xx
PS> I've never been on the 134. Will have to try it
Hey Julia, we were all waiting for news it seems and it sounds like it went really really well, it couldnt have gone better and you did some excellent DBing and sounds like you surprised him and seemed a bit different to what his expectations of you are. Its great that he was the one that said, ok suppose I'll see you soon - I never said that to an ex I was done with! I hope he means that on some level and comes back eventually with another text of the dog, or asks for a pic of the cat or something.
Finances is such a tricky awkward one isnt it, as there are joint bills and I think their guilt at leaving means its hard for them to grasp the financials and really look at it, like they'd rather it would just go away!
What was the plan with your house, is it going on the market? ALso, I love that you said you felt so in love and pleased to see him, thats great for yuo that you are still feeling that. I sometimes read peoples threads and they have so many bad things to say about their ex, I'm surprised that they are DBing at all!
You must be relieved that it went so well, I thikn the glass of wine was a great idea !! I took to doing that in my early dbing days (and I had been practically tee-total for 5 years before that, although, not anymore!)
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
AWESOME JOB!!!!! I *LOVE* all the positive 180s that you did, and most of all, how you and H were able to connect and free-flow together. that is AWESOME. I love your compliments too!! is your h's love language words of affirmation????
Well done! Now aren't you glad that you didn't bring up that potential OW? What are your next steps going to be? Are you making notes about what worked?
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I've been pretty tired today; I think it was the adrenaline!
He sent me an email today saying 'Just to let you know I sent �200 over to the account today. H.'
That was nice, it was responding to my request to keep each other informed. I thought I'd reply with 'Cool. Thanks for letting me know'. What do you think?
I called him tonight because I am having trouble with my iTunes and he said I could call him and he'd see if he could help. I left a message and he called me back about an hour later and said he was sorry he was still out (he sounded like he was in the pub). I told him what the problem was and he said I needed a lead. He said he would bring it over when he was next round at the house, if I didn't mind waiting (I do, but hey!) I said no that's fine.
The thing I have to work on is that when I heard he was out I felt this immense jealousy. I hate that he is out without me and that he seems to be having a good life without me. I really hate that those people from work take up all his time. I feel like it leaves nothing left for me, which is what the big contention was before he left. That feeling instantly welled up in me again. I felt like an intrusion on his life and wanted to get off the phone asap so I didn't disturb him as that is how I fell/ felt. I had forgotten about this feeling. Maybe my next thing to work on. It's horrid to feel second best (well last best at the moment!)
On the plus side, he put his 'work voice' on when people were near him but softened when they went (I could hear them go) and he said 'bye' in the soft nice way he always used to.
I don't want to seem ungrateful and I see the baby steps. It just maybe that I have to find a solution to this. I have also been a bit worried about when my next opportunity will be to see him (when he comes to the house to do DIY I suppose). Then it will be house sale time...
Maybe I need to heed Kalni's advice and take it day by day.
Hey Julia, just catching up. It seems you have had a busy few days!!!
I think the interaction was awesome! I know the feeling of jealousy, but when I think of it, I remember something my H said to me once. I told him he seemed to be great and moving on and enjoying his life. He said he was just as miserable as me, he just hid it better. So keep that in mind, men don't necessarily show their emotions.
Now, step back a bit. I tell you this from personal experience, I did this a few weeks back and the results have been absolutely positive! I didn't call H for a week, didn't text, nothing. Unless you have to, let him think about this interaction and process it for a bit.
(((Julia))) YOU GO GIRL!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Lola, thank you. It is true that my h did say to me that life wasn't all that he thought it would be. Maybe he is making the best of a bad situation as i am trying to with my GAL.
I think that is probable. I think sometimes all they need is a little time. It is hard on us because we know what we want, and they don't yet. But it is also true that depending on our attitudes, a lot of times they realize what they have given up. So here is to hoping that our H's make that discovery!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
It's horrid to feel second best (well last best at the moment!)