Two affairs in 5 months....

[marisol35]

Hello everyone,

I have been reading posts and just joined a week ago.

Here's my story.....

I have known my H since high school. We were together for a little over a year then had my daughter at age 19. When she was 2 he left me for OW, got her pregnant and married her. They were divorced about 4 years into their marriage. This was the lowest point of my life when he left me especially when I found out she was pregnant and the fact he married her. It was a very tough time for me but I got through it.

After his divorce, he lived with family and we started talking again. I was always there to help him when he needed it. But as time went on he wanted to have me on the side while he still lived a single life so I told him enough was enough and to stop calling to spend intimate time with me. I was planning to move out of state just to get away from it all because I felt like I could not move on from him when he would keep pursuing me. I had not told him of my plans to leave. Then the Christmas before I planned to move he pulled me aside to say that he wanted to start a true relationship with me. Of course I accepted because of how much I loved him and wanted nothing more to be with him.

It was not soon thereafter that we decided to live together. It would be him and his son with my daughter and I. At the time I had a small townhouse. After about a year we decided to buy a larger home for the kids and really start a life together. We lived in this house for about 6 years and it was great. Everything was like it should be except for not being married. I never pressured him to marry me I would just lightly talk about how much it meant to me. He always said he wanted to make sure his son was ready and I understood. Then we got engaged the 7th year we were together and married that same year (9-8-07).

The wedding was everything I had imagined it would be. I was the happiest I had ever been in my entire life.

Next month will be a year of marriage and it is hard to believe what I have been through these past 5 months. I always thought the first year was the best because you are honeymooning. It has been nothing close to that.

In April of this year I discovered he was having an affair (so about 6 months after we were married). I caught him late one night at his office with another woman. He confessed to me about it and said the famous "I love you but I'm not in love with you" phrase. He said he loved her and that there was a connection missing between us. He said he married me to make everyone else happy but that he was not happy. I was devistated. My daughter who idolized him was devistated. It was awful.

When it was time for him to move out because he said that would be the best thing he couldn't do it so he stayed. But he would not stop talking to this woman and what made matters worse was that he had hired her (he owned his own business at the time). I told him if this was to work he had to fire her and stop talking to her. He didn't because I would check the phone records. So I reached a point that I could not take it and packed his things. He moved out for about 4 weeks and came back. He said he wanted to start over, that he wanted me to be with him wherever he went, etc...

It was hard to overcome. I became obsessed with checking the bank records, phone bills, looking at his cell phone, emails, driving by his office to make sure that her car wasn't there....it was unbelievably hard. When he discovered I was snooping he became angry and defensive. He told me to stop but I didn't. He did tell me when she would text him or call him and I thanked him for doing that. But I knew it was getting to him to have to report to me as to what he was doing. He has since ended the relationship with this woman.

We then planned a getaway just him and I to Texas in July. We spent 5 days together and it was really great. We connected and it was nice having the alone time.

However, before we left there was another woman in the picture who he started to talk about alot. She also worked with his company but not in his office and she was 21 yrs old. He would tell me about her personality and how mature she was for her age. They started texting quite a bit but he repeatedly would tell me they were just friends (of course that's how it starts right). I met this girl twice and she went on to tell me how great my husband was. That should have been a red flag right there.

Not soon after we got back from our trip things got unbelievably worse. He went for drinks after work with friends including her. Then the weekend came and he wanted to do a guys nite out which ended up being with her as well. Not coming home until 6am. I cried asking him to tell me the truth. He continued with it being a friendship and nothing more. Then I decided to confront her to tell her my thoughts. She assured me nothing was going on and that she would never be with a married man and that I could trust her (all lies). After I confronted her he told me that was it, it was the last straw and that he was moving out the end of this month.

He stayed out all night three weeks ago and only came home to shower. He was staying at her house. I knew more was going on than what he was saying. I went to his office one evening after finding an email that she was going to be there and I watched. After waiting for quite some time I saw them kiss goodnight. I told him to stop lying to me and he told me to get a life and move on. All this was happening and he was still in the house. Then he confessed to me August 17th that he had slept with her as well the weekend he only came home to shower.

The business he owned closed its doors last week due to finances. He has had to go back to his previous career. He moved into his dad's rental property because his credit is so bad. He moved his things out last Wednesday without any forewarning and then leaves Friday to Rockypoint with her and two friends. It has just been so much pain these past few weeks for me that I can't even think straight anymore.

I have had to file bankruptcy myself because of all the bad decisions that were made while we were together. His mother moved in with us last month because she was diagnosed with breast cancer and needed a place to stay. We lost both our homes to foreclosure. And now I am left with all this.....

All my friends tell me its over and to move on....that I don't deserve this. He is selfish and only thinking of himself right now. I need to focus on me.....but how can I when my life has just been one thing after the other and what I thought was right is completely wrong and I just want to give up.

I force myself to get up everyday to come to work so that I can feed my daughter and support myself and her or else I would just do nothing. I am barely making it right now..... I don't know if there is any hope for us. He took off his wedding ring. He goes to lunch with this 21 yr old every day. I know she has stayed at his house already. They communicate all day long. Since he has left I have talked to him once.

I have not made any initiation to talk to him. I have not sent any emails, texts, or called him. I know its the first week he has been gone and as many have said it takes time but I have gone through this once already. Is this a pattern for him? Is it worth it? My heart says to hang on because I know he loves me, but my mind says something totally different.

Any advice, suggestions, comments, would be truly appreciated.

Thank you all.