Ready, I so agree. I need to go over to the newbies forum as well. I have learned so many things in this travel and telling others at the begining not only reminds us what we still need to be doing, but also shows us how far we have come.
Got an email from H today wanting to schedule the mediation appointment. At first I felt hurt because things are going so well between us, then I took a step back and looked at it from what might be his perspective. When he left me he was in the midst of a sever depression. He equated the pain he was feeling with me. He felt so much hurt that he had to run away from that pain. Now, things are started to feel like old times (the good ones)to some degree and even old feelings might be starting to stir. When the only thing you have been telling yourself for months is that you must D to end the pain, having these kind of feelings would be very scary. I see the reason why his actions are somtimes very confusing is because he is conflicted. He is enjoying the new me. I think he really likes all of the changes I have made, but is terrified that the old desperate me will come out. He prob just got overwhelmed by his emotions so decided to get some control back and made the mediation appointment. This gives his scared side comfort that he still is not going to be hurt anymore.
At least this is what I am telling myself. It gives me hope and I can walk into mediaiton with a smile on my face because he needs to see that I truly am a different person, not an act. I am backing off for now so that he can have his space and to let the fearful thoughts running through his head calm down. Plus, this goes with the whole inconsistant theory as well.
Again, it would be helpful to hear if this is similar to what others have expierenced. Even at this stage in the game, we all need hope. Thanks.
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
