Help, it seems my 35 year old wife is in MLC #12

[missmyfriend]

The cussing is part of my Ws vocabulary now as well, Imageer. I used to slip with some pretty bad language in the past and she would wince whenever I did. My children have commented to me that they are surprised when she cusses. Around me, she not only will cuss but use contemporary slang.

The sadness that you are seeing and the exhaustion sound similar as well. She may or may not be aware on a conscious level where it may be coming from, if it is coming from any questions about the impact of her decisions.

I agree that she will "suffer" if your dog becomes another casualty from this. My W usually buries it deep and acts "as if" so she can cope. I believe that my W is having more and more challenges burying the "bodies" as it is getting over occupied.

Imageer, our situations are unique. In some ways, it is much worse than others with spouses that have walked away from their families. In others, it is better. It is unlikely that my W (and possibly yours) will go to the arms of another man. I feel for those that spouse gets remarried to someone else, possibly closing the door forever to any hope of reconciliation.

For you and me, if our Ws can get past this lifestyle and not make it a permanent part of them, and can truly work on the issues that are causing this behavior, a marriage and family can be restored.

No one can say what is going to happen but I will say, with what you have shared, that your W appears to not be "over you". And I don't believe she is a cake eater like we see with so many others.

I think there is a real battle going on inside of her.

Your continued stance of loving her, from a distance, is something that may be returned some day.

I look at it this way, in my sitch, even if it is not returned to me, I won't have any regrets that I was standing by her side (even though she may not see that) and taking care of our family while she is going through this.

Knowing my Ws history concerning what she has gone through in her life, she is not a person who has dealt with her issues. Her choice over the last two years is further evidence of her trying to ignore her past. She has gone back and forth between "it happened" and "it didn't happen". This past weekend, she is back to "it happened" and she was nearly crying about being tired and frustrated about work. She is considering a career change which is incredible since counseling is the field she has wanted to go into for as long as I have known her. She has been in her field for less than two years and now she is considering a monumental change in career. And she is asking me my opinion. I am giving her my opinion as a friend would without any vested interest. I want to give her the best advice I can, since she is asking.

On the other hand, I only provide her with information she asks for and try not to go into too much detail. I don't want to appear eager or overwhelm her.

I believe that your W is seeking your counsel on different things because she trusts you. You have shown to her that you care about her. The real her.

You are a good man, Imageer.