I thought about what you questione about grieving. I do think that we almost have to grieve, not matter what the marriage REALLY WAS. Afterall it was our life for so many years. Maybe it wasn't what we thought at the time, but it still helped to shape who we have become. Besides, I don't really think we can ever see the whole picture until we have done so.
Interesting story about son and H. I think that how we relate to our children is vastly different. It's probably been that way from the get go. I remember you saying that your ex was always fairly rigid with the kids right? For many reasons S's relationship with you is and probably has always been more relaxed. Maybe ex's expectations on your S have caused some strain on their relationship through the years. Of course the fact that your S probably doesn't have much respect for his Dad and the way he handled things doesn't help either, but then that's not your responsibility. Good thing huh?
I had a nice get-together with a couple of girlfriends last night. One just returned from a trip, and she was regaling us with amusing stories. Both of these girlfriends are D, with High School aged kids. It is back to school time. The one with 3 kids did not get her CS last month, and her ex promised to send this months CS in time for back to school shopping. Guess what? Big surprise. No money. While I was there the Daughter called her dad to ask when the money was coming. He had promised it would be here by Friday and he hadn't sent it. The kids are so stoic about all this. My friend (their mom) does an amazing job of remaining civil w/ the wanker, but then he does something like this. She has been D for quite a few years and was trying to maintain civility for the kids while they were younger. Now that they are older they are making up their own minds. Poor kids are conflicted about their dad, who clueless shares stories of their half-brother's sports accomplishments (which take a lot of monetary support, of course, and they aren't getting what they deserve)
I personally can't stand the guy. I guess I am so lucky in that CS isn't an issue with me.
Speaking of wankers, I found this post by Scott Adams quite amusing.
Have a great day, all! SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
Well wow, that's is quite the story that Scott Adams provided. Hey I just got a book called Erased, Missing Women, Murdered Wives. It's about, well that, women who are disappeared ala the Peterson crime. I just started it, these are particularly sick people who do this, but what about men who emotionally disappear their wives? That is what still shocks me to this day.
Anyway I digress because SG I have been wanting to say that I think it's a good thing you are trying ADs. My story about those is I went on for two years post bomb without them and got through to a point. I just could not get over the hump of seeming normal and acting normal but crying too much, it was not right.
I was seeing a therapist and a referred psychiatrist and the meds worked for me. I went off them a couple years ago. There have been times since when my therapist offered them again. But with work I have the skills to not need them. Overall it was a good experience. When the missing man thing happened I had the tools to not go back. Cheers, Wonder
Thanks for stopping by. I know you have been through the wringer, and I am glad the ADs have helped. Today has been the first day in quite a while that I have felt somewhat normal. I have been working on this Flash animation thing, and have managed to avoid the couch and not give up! So yay!
Cheers back at 'cha! SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
Well work started up on Tuesday and that is a good thing for my mood and energy. I do love seeing the little ones walking around campus.
I had a difficult situation tho. I provide tech support on campus (sort of a triage situation) and then if I can't solve the problem I call the district for back up. One of the teachers had been experiencing ongoing problems for over a year but she was afraid to call tech support because she was getting unwanted attention from one of the techs.
She never complained.
What made me mad was that this guy was probably harassing others and getting away with it. And the teacher wasn't getting the help she needed and was entitled to because of feeling intimidated.
I notified the supervisor about the problem and he was great about taking care of it.
Part of what upset me about this issue is that my ex got in trouble at 3 different work places for harassment. I know how difficult it is to speak up, and that just let me know that what you see is only the tip of the iceberg.
I think the meds are finally working. I have been feeling better and more productive the past few days. Yay!
Although I did have a couple of setbacks in the income department. One of my part-time jobs fell through. Maybe that means the full time one in Coalinga will come together! Oh Boy! But I am managing to stay positive, and that is a good thing.
The wonder puppy and I did our Rally training last night. He did good!
Finally, lately these days I feel a bit like Rodney King.
Sometimes I'm right and I can be wrong My own beliefs are in my song The butcher, the banker, the drummer and then Makes no difference what group I'm in
I am everyday people, yeah yeah
There is a blue one who can't accept the green one For living with a fat one trying to be a skinny one And different strokes for different folks And so on and so on and scooby dooby doo-bee
Oh sha sha - we got to live together I am no better and neither are you We are the same whatever we do You love me you hate me you know me and then You can't figure out the bag l'm in
I am everyday people, yeah yeah There is a long hair that doesn't like the short hair For bein' such a rich one that will not help the poor one And different strokes for different folks And so on and so on and scooby dooby doo-bee
Oh sha sha-we got to live together There is a yellow one that won't accept the black one That won't accept the red one that won't accept the white one And different strokes for different folks
best wishes to all, SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
That is the perfect song for today and one that I love!
It must feel good to get back to the routine. I am still struggling with going back and whether I will teach this year or not. I'm nearly there. Of course I am already working, having started registrations and the resultant scheduling issues last week. But I'm away and it can be done by computer - gotta love my job!
Good for you for standing up and helping that girl. I'm impressed that a guy took it seriously and helped. Proves that there are many good men out there. Your ex (and mine) were not two of them but let's hope they're the exceptions rather than the rules.
Do you think the ADs are making a difference or the changes in attitude, changes in latitude? I KNOW your wonderpup does make a difference and the daily exercise that owning a dog involves.
At any rate - just felt like spreading some good cheer. It is our other Cali GF's birthday today. And we're celebrating. Here's a glass for you!
Finally, lately these days I feel a bit like Rodney King.
Know the feeling......
SG, glad the ADs are helping. I've been feeling down, argumentative (have ya noticed?) and totally out of sync for awhile too. MG keeps saying it's cuz of my Dad, upcoming court date, helping my D financially, etc. But still, it's not like me to let things get under my skin. I just restarted my HRT so I'm hoping that's the key and I don't have to go back on the ADs.
Anyway, hope you hear that you got the job. You sooooo deserve something wonderful to happen for you.
The song is from the '60s... Sly and the Family Stone. It has been featured in some car commercials, so I bet you would recognize it if you heard it.
I was VERY depressed after my dad died. That is a tough one and will take a while to get over.
For me, the ADs were a last resort after years of stress were taking their toll...and it is hard to say at this time if it is the ADs of the change in routine that is doing the trick.
GTG and see the kiddos!
SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
But I am managing to stay positive, and that is a good thing. 
