Unfortunatly, I did hear from her. He did send her a b-day card as they were not working and he must have wanted her to recieve it on her b-day. My bags are packed and im'e deciding what I need to do for me. He did ask me if I wanted him to leave. Contemplating the financial end of that.
After a long discussion he did say that she was just there to talk to when we started having problems. I reminded him that I never knew of problems until after he told her he had feelings. That I still felt his emotional detachment and that I could not keep going like this as we both deserved to be happy. H said he wants us to be happy, that it has nothing to do with me or OW( which I know that) He said he doesn't know what it is that is keeping him like this. He has no clue as to how long this has been really going on he has lost complete track of time for just about anything. Could this actually be withdrawl/depression at the end? I wonder sometimes, But yet feel he hasn't truly been working it through either.
I told him that by not talking about anything and brushing it under the rug I felt like he thought it was just going to go away by itself and it won't. He told me I sounded like a councelor.(with a grin)
I would be gone now if it wasn't for the fact that after a while, for the first time he did break down crying that after so many years that he doesn't understand why we are working two jobs and driving ten year old vehicles. (mine is four years old and I love it and H has two trucks that are both ten years old but chose them. One a work truck and the other is a very nice looking PRETTY truck.) I just told him that the ecomomy sucks that isd why we work two jobs for the extras and asked him to look around at all he has givin and done for all of us. Told him I was sorry that he feels the way he does. Im'e thinking this is excactly what his issues are and just what the DB coach said and that is he feels inadequate.
I do know that he won't really be doing anything else for OW because I told him that we have talked and she told me everything and there will be no secrets there now. OW knows that I told him and is prepared.
This morning he said that he was sorry for the hell he has been putting me through and that he did love me. If I keep doing what I have the circle will just continue. Not with OW but just the sliding along and sweeping it under the rug. I deserve to be truly loved.
What to do now? Im'e trying to decide how to go about things.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
