So yesterday my hubby gets home. He is in great spirits. Shortly there after the crew arrives. I think nothing, negative or positive. I had made him a pitcher of fresh squeezed lemonade for dinner. He did have one beer and then he was drinking the lemonade. I even was tempted to say how awesome that was, but I didn't. ( I am not his Mommy ~ ) He also started to talk to me about his day. He mentioned that the homeowner was drinking all day. I said "Oh, really ? Hmmm? " and he then says " He is an alcoholic honey !!!!!!!!" With a sort of disgusted tone.... I then asked " So when you drink all day that means you are an alcoholic? " {Playing dumb } And he replies " Yes, that is what I am too ~ when I drink all day!." " I am an alcoholic." I was speechless. He has never said that about himself before. He did well yesterday and then when we went to bed he was calm and at peace. I dunno where he is headed. I don't think he will be sober anytime soon, but he is heading for brighter days. Hopefully he will see that him and alcohol don't mix. Sort of like me and Cheesecake. I could eat the whole thing. With bold coffee and heavy cream and a tiny bit of sugar. I feel optimistic today. I feel like he is giving me a break from chaos. Like I can try this for awhile longer. He is showing me effort. I never mentioned that I went to Al anon. He thinks they are Weight Watchers meetings..... I did go last week too, but I follow online mostly. I don't like keeping it from him but he doesn't need to know that. It would be just another thing that I do to prove I am 'better' than him. In his mind. I am doing well losing.... but I can see where I sabotage myself. { What am I afraid of?} { haven't figured that out yet } I eat relatively healthy.. its my portions that keep me chubby. I want to be smaller and leaner just for me. So I will keep trying to be the best me and also to remember that I am doing this not only to look better but to feel better too. I do really well all day. And most nites... but then sometimes the nighttime munchies get me ... ugh~
