Ready2change, thanks for the advice. I guess I should explain a little about myself so that all of the WAS can see where I was and where I am. When he left, I was desperate and needy and only he had the power to make me happy in my mind. That was too much pressure for him and he kept withdrawing from me to have the ability to breathe. The more he withdrew, the more I persued. Then he left while in the state of a sever depression because he could not heal around my neediness.
After left I started to work on changing me to "win" him back. FUnny thing happened though, some of the changes I was trying to make actually happened and I started to become happier. I have been able after a few months of soul searching and therapy, to find me, to find my strength, and to realize I dont need anyone. I am the only one responsible for my happiness and I am doing a fine job of giving it myself.
So now when H sees me, I have a REAL smile on my face, nothing is fake anymore. I have COMPLETELY forgiven him for his actions. I have seen how I contributed to the decline in the R as well, it was not just him or the A. I have lost a significant amount of weight and physically look good, so I now have the confidence that was lacking for so long. I have come to a place where if he does not come back, that's ok. He has his own journey. I still would like for him to, but can be happy either way.
So, when I post my questions, it is in hope that others who have been in his shoes can give me a little insight. I dont want to over read anything, or get my hopes up, or even push him away because I start to think that he is reaching out to me when he may not be. I still keep everything very happy, friendly when we are together, trying not to put any kind of pressure on the moment. We are joking with eachother again and that is nice. Just would like others opinions. Thanks
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
