God give me the patience and the strength...6

[theotherhalf]

Your right I do convince myself that this is near the end. The end of our M. That is because H is so convincing at times. I get discouraged, I lose hope. Can't help it. Things just get "that" bad sometimes.
I am not convinced that we are NEAR the end of H's MLC. I know very well that we have a long way to go. That H has a long way to go. I do however think that sometimes he is coming out of the fog. The fog that keeps him from home. The fog that keeps him believing that life will be better without me and the girls. If/when he can reach the point that he believes that "home" is where his heart is. Then we can start to work to move forward. I know it won't be easy. I know that it will still be a long road. But at least it will not be limbo anymore. Then "we" will be moving forward.
UNTIL then, I am trying my d*mbdest to move forward. And your right Bill,I am doing this in my own way. I want everyone here's advice because you are all going through or have gone through this. I value your opinions, it helps me greatly to understand what is going on. What you think. Your opinions. Not that I do as you say. Not that I am living my life as you all think I should. I am my own person. My H is H. Our life is different than yours. Just with similarities. And we all know that people in MLC do follow a script. I don't NEED you people to get through the days. I don't NEED my H either for that matter. What I NEED is to heal from this. To move forward with my life. And talking to you dear people on this board helps me tremendously.

I am getting a second chance at life. I almost had to spend the next 25 years in prison. That's almost a death sentance. I would have lost/missed out on SO much. Nothing is set in stone yet, but it sounds like I will get that second chance. Now to figure out how to make the best of that life. What most people cannot understand is. I want that second chance with my H. Sorry, I cannot change how I feel. I cannot control what he is going to do. But I can do all that is possible to make MY dreams come true. After all that has happened. My heart is still in the same place. I guess this is why I take what he hands me. Why I keep taking the hurt, the rejection. Not because I am not worth more. Not because I don't deserve better. But because some things are just worth fighting for. "No pain, no gain" right?

What gets me backsliding is the not know what is happening. My H is so complex in that he does not talk. He will not tell me what he is thinking. That makes things so hard. It just leaves me guessing.

I have a phone call...I'll be back later to finish this...

[theotherhalf]

anyways I had another good weekend. alot of positives going on but yet who knows?

H came Friday night for a couple hours just to "visit". Saturday he was here to help do sweet corn again. Here most of the day. I back slid "AGAIN" and went called him later. He asked me in to BIL's then to stay at his place. I hesitated ALOT. But I went and I stayed with him last night. Today he was here all day. We raked hay. He actually FINALLY showed me how and I did it while he baled. We did this all afternoon. Tonight he came in for a couple of beers. Took movies and food and went home. I HATE IT when he leaves...I so want him to stay. I say nothing...and he goes. IT sucks! But it is...

The girls and him spent alot of time together talking and stuff as well this weekend. And when he left tonight, he stopped in the drive and said to tell the girls good night. He said he walked out and forgot. What he doesn't know is he does this ALL the time so we wouldn't have noticed. But tonight he made a point to tell them bye.

As far as above...well I lost my train of thought and really I was just babbling anyway. Maybe another time. Thanks for listening anyway.

[theotherhalf]

The spouse in crisis will begin to disassociate himself/herself w/the replay antics, i.e., new friends, drinking, etc. They will begin to dress and act like the people you once knew. They will begin to smile a bit and look you in the eyes as well. This will not occur all at once--it's very gradual. He/she will begin to gradually take an interest in their surroundings. They will start to make real contact w/co-workers, old friends (prior to mlc) and begin to take up the hobbies that they once loved. The contact w/their respective parents and family will be noticeable first. Contact w/them will become more frequent and slowly they will begin to take more interest in their children. Their interest in the pets will begin again. As they start to move deeper into the reconnection, they will then begin to take notice of their former homes and you, the spouse will be the last. I have never understood it, but we are the first in the disconnection an the last for reconnection. The mlcer may find excuses to come to your home or meet w/you to discuss trivial issues. Generally they come around to see where your head and heart are at regarding them. They may even sit down w/you and toss out feelers about some of the things that they have done just to test your reactions.

This is what I am seeing...maybe I am totally fooling myself but I don't think so.

Last night he came here after baling hay. When he talks to me he looks me in the eye with the look that used to melt me. I'm telling you I see it...whether it means anything...who knows.

[a new 2moro]

i just hate to see you pinning your whole existance on this and sitting stagnant hoping you are seeing him re-connect....they often do touch and goes...or come and leave and he very well could be carrying on with ow...while he feels you out and it will really devastate you if you find out
how about turning him down once to do something on your own????

so many times you have hoped youve seen change only to shocked again....some of us have been hard on you to keep you from cycling so bad.

what changes have you made for you and you alone?

[theotherhalf]

I've learned to let things roll off my back and not react to them so quickly. To think before I speak. To not get angry over the stupid stuff. To be more easy going. To not yell. To not worry about what isn't done and make time for ME and what I want to do. Lots and lots of changes in the "sex" dept. that I won't discuss here. Lets just say I'm learning to be more open and have more fun. I've learned that no matter what others think, life is really about how I feel and what I want.

Otherwise I like who I am. Why change?

[theotherhalf]

I get the feeling that those that are reading my thread are just shaking their heads at me...

Him being around every day for a week, knocked me down again. It's like a blow everytime he shuts me off again. Really haven't had the ambition or the drive to do anything this week. So instead been using the time to think. About ME, not H.

Sorting out and working through plans, and emotions. I have been doing alot of reading here and in the book I am reading "Self Matters & Companion".

Spending time with girls getting them in the swing of school again. D17 really struggles and with everything else makes it doubly hard for her. So trying to be strong for her. N14 seems to be doing well just needs to be steered in the right direction.

Work is picking up so that is a great thing.

Nothing from L yet on case. Hopefully no news is good news. Guess we'll see.

Question: H still has not gotten info on new insurance. The first is our last day of coverage from old job. I've asked and asked and asked him to get this. Nicely. Still nothing. He keeps saying guy was not there or he'll get it tomorrow. What do I do? I don't want to push but we have to have insurance. He told me again Tues. that he'd get it tomorrow. Well yesterday came and went and I heard nothing from him.

[MidwesternGirl]

"It's like a blow everytime he shuts me off again."

So then why do you stay around long enough to allow it? Leave. Go somewhere, do not be around when he comes over.

Is the new insurance in both your names and if so, you can call, otherwise, let it go and let him deal with it.

[Creed]

I can't remember what the job/insurance situation was/is..sorry

Did your husband lose insurance during a job switch? Was he let go? Can you get insurance if you workoutside the home?

If it was insurance offered through employment , there is the possibility of COBRA coverage for several months. Although very expensive, it would be an option.

Guess I'm not much help here. I just don't remember what the employment/insurance situation was.

As far as not pushing him, either you do or the first will come and go, and you WILL be uninsured. This might also be something that the court would order him to be legally responsible for anyway.

Where I work, there are many people that can not afford the insurance premiums, and they do not go in when they should. One of these people had to go home from work yesterday, but cannot go to the doctor about her abdominal pain because of being uninsured, and being unable to pay the medical cost out of pocket. Scarey, very scarey.

[MidwesternGirl]

And there is the state plan which I have seen in our state and you have different plans to choose from.

You might want to check into it in your state.

[WCW]

shaking their heads at me...

Ok, sure thing.
(shaking my head)

Your H changed jobs right? he carried the insurance for the family right?
Are you sure the insurance from his old job didn't end the day he quit? (it does here)
Are you sure insurance from his new job starts so soon? where I work there is a probation period before benefits start.

Rather than nagging him about getting the forms try asking him if there is a problem or is there something you can do to help with the process.

Him being around every day for a week, knocked me down again. It's like a blow everytime he shuts me off again.

It seems like it is all or none with you and H. This is old advice, but when he comes around all the time make yourself less available. Protect yourself from the big fall when he drops you like a hot potato! But it's up to you. Would you rather have a little bit more often OR all at once and then none at all?