For the Guy with Kids and a WW 10

[hopeful4her]

dub, what you say to me is the same that I have preached to anyone that I come across. Here and in my "real" world(hey, are there cameras watching me. Am I on Mtv?). Remember, I played a part with my former coworker getting back with his ex wife. They are still together. So far, as far as I know.

Seeking the path that Got wants me to choose....for the past two years, I have been waiting for him to show me. I pray for Him to show me now. Why does he make me wait? I know it is all in His time, but I keep thinking of the story of the person that refused help from people because he/she was waiting for God. At the pearly gates, she asked why He never showed. He said I did, but in different form than you thought.

Is that me?

It's hard to ACT like I have a happy marriage with a wife at home. Hell, its hard NOT having a happy marriage with a wife NOT at home. Either way sucks. I think that God wants me to be with my wife. Then the devil makes me think about her and the OM, and what they are doing when they are alone. Like last night. She's at her place. No kids. I have them all here. It's in the back of my mind, but I TRY not to think about it. But it keeps the anger stoked.

I know it doesn't sound like it, but I stay pretty strong in my convictions. Yesterday at lunch was a complete experiment to me. I have never thought like that. The only way that I can describe it, was to say it was empowering. Now I know what I'm capable of, and I can let it lie there for when I need it, someday. IF I need it someday.

I think it will help in my dealings with my wife, because I was in control. It helped me in finding that guy I'm looking for. The cool confident man. That's the only way that I can express it.