Letting God Take Control Part 16

[glamgirl]

Where are you PH? How are you doing? Thinking of you!

[MidwesternGirl]

glam:

PH is working late tonight. Not sure if she can get on here while at work.

[plentyhope]

Ph the books I got were "How We Love" Milan and Kay Yerkovich very interested in starting this one and "Rescue your love life" Dr Townsend.
...
PH don't discuss your m with anyone but here. The world will never understand. They do not know God and all that he is capable of. God will restore if that is what he sees for your life. Your h has not filed that is a good thing.

Nice that you sent the b-day card. He will be appreciative.

Have you checked out the website divorceasfriends.com? Not the divorce part but it really has some good advice. It really talks about the love you show to another regardless of what does or does not happen in return.

Love unconditionally PH that is where you want to be. Don't worry about the hurt or being hurt. God will help you with that. Let me know what you think of that website.

Hi glam,
Sorry I have been away so long. Thanks for checking on me. Really appreciate you checking.

Had a chance to read those 2 books yet? I hope you have a lovely anniversary celebration with your H (tomorrow?)!

Yes, it is good that my H hasn't mentioned D these last 2 months!

No, I have not checked the website. Thanks for the link. I will check it out when I get a chance. I am on vacation next week so I will have more time next week. It's been very busy at work and I am trying to get enough sleep each night. Tonight, I probably have to stay up.

Thanks for the reminder to show unconditional love. I did take your advice there. On Sunday, I texted the boys to tell/remind them it was their Dad's BD the next day. They thanked me for that and then called him. More about my H's BD in a later post.

[plentyhope]

I don't know if I'm right or not but I feel like eventually my H will have a change, not sure if he will come back to me or not & there is no way I should have any hope with what all has happened but I do still have it. Time will tell & I am doing my best to leave it in God's hands.

You take care of yourself & don't let work get you down!

((((HUGS))))

Hi nlt,

Thanks for checking in. Yes, I have been very busy and haven't had time to spend on the boards. Sorry about that.

Nothing is too hard for God. Spend this time working on getting close to God because we need it for ourselves, regardless of whether H returns or not. Even if he returns, we need God in our M for the M to last and survive the tough times.

Hugs to you too!

[glamgirl]

Hugs PH! I hope you are doing ok. You must take the path of unconditional love it really is the only way to go! Not for your h, but for you to heal.

Regardless of if it works out or not you want to be the one that stood and loved regardless. God will heal your hurts and your rewards will be great!

I can't wait to see h tomorrow for our anniversary celebration. He didn't respond to an e-mail I sent today. I hope he is ok or that he was just too busy to respond.

Can't wait to hear about your h's BD.

[plentyhope]

Hi PH,

I find it interesting that you say this:

"Today, I finished reading Ed Wheat's book "How to Save Your Marriage Alone". It talks about women should respond with unconditional love to their WAH, while a man should love and pursue the WAW. The part for the man ssems to contradict Jim Conway's advice for MLC and Michele's advice for WAW."

My reason is that I have done so much reading since my W and I have been apart that I have seen many things that contradict Michele's advice and others too. I have gone against some of the advice and it hasn't always proven to be wrong, but every individual and sitch is different. I try to pass things by my counselor, but sometimes even is knows that you just have to roll the dice. I am talking to two counselors now, even the bible says you shouldn't get counsel form one source alone, it is bad to do so.

Anyway I have been reading Stormie OMartian's book "Praying Through The Deeper Issues Of Marriage." This is a very good book. I am on chapter two where it talks about "If Anger, Rudeness, or Abuse Poisons Your Relationship." Well sad but true this chapter is really speaking directly to me on the anger part.
I don't think I have severe anger problems, but this chapter pointed out that I must have some and I know that just based on some things my W has said. So am going to make a big effort to change that. I am going to talk to the counselors and pray a lot.

I would like to tell my W that she was right about this and that I have realized many things but have dug in deep on this issue to improve myself for me, her, and God. Now I may word it differently if I were to tell her, but I would like her to know the depth of my discovery. I'm just not sure to tell her or not, but I want her to see progress in me. With her living in her own place, very little contact or communication it makes it hard. My only choices are to call her at one job, go by her other job, or email her. Next Friday I will be going by one job to give her ring back. That's when the jeweler will be done making it pretty again. She hasn't been wearing it so I'm also wondering if I should mention that I would like it if she would wear her ring. It is one of the things that I have been praying. I love my W and would do anything to get her back home in my arms.

Sooners,
Yes, I agree we need to weigh various opinions and decide what makes sense for our own situation, AFTER praying about it.

Thanks for Stormie's book recommendation. It's wonderful that you are learning from it. If I were you, I would NOT tell your W what you learned unless she brings up the topic. Even then, tread carefully. As you know, actions speak louder than words, and words can be cheap. It's far better for her to observe it herself than for you to point it out to her.

I wouldn't ask her to wear her ring either! It's not what you want. It should be what she feels comfortable doing. Give her the space she needs regarding the M, and the rings.

[plentyhope]

MWG, glam,
Thanks both of you for your care and concern.

I am OK. Plodding along with work and my situation. Here's the latest on my H's BD:

On his BD, at about 6pm, in the middle of praying Hedge of Thorns prayer (after "Send you holy angels to watch over us and protect us"), the phone rang. It was my H. He thanked me for the BD card and the text message. He chatted and chatted for about 30 minutes. He called back 3 times because my phone kept dropping the call. He didn't have to call, he could have emailed, texted back or nothing at all.

He was in a chatty mood. He said he was very busy at work and has been. Asked about our dog and me. Asked what I had been up to. Told him I got the patio table/chairs and enjoying outside and that I am really enjoying the FlyLady program. He was interested so I told him abit about it.

During the day, I had been emotional, sad that he didn't respond but reminded myself that it was the Enemy, not my H. And I also said to God I would trust in His plan and timing. I really am so thankful that God is at work.

Thank you for encouraging me to send the BD wish. I also think he knew about me reminding the boys about his BD, and he might have been moved by it, especially since he gave me a "sad BD gift" (the speech) for my BD 2 months ago...

[plentyhope]

Hugs PH! I hope you are doing ok. You must take the path of unconditional love it really is the only way to go! Not for your h, but for you to heal.

Regardless of if it works out or not you want to be the one that stood and loved regardless. God will heal your hurts and your rewards will be great!

I can't wait to see h tomorrow for our anniversary celebration. He didn't respond to an e-mail I sent today. I hope he is ok or that he was just too busy to respond.

Can't wait to hear about your h's BD.

(((glam))) Yes, I think God spoke to me on Sunday to text my stepsons. The thought just came into my mind just like that! It felt good being kind and loving.

Thanks, yes, God is good.

Your H might just be very busy. Keep up the praying and pray as hard as ever, if not harder. You know how the Enemy is cunning???

[glamgirl]

See PH I am so glad that you sent the BD card. Now look at how your h responded.

You did good, just let your h do most of the talking. No complaining just supportive, appreciative, respectful, and admiration.

My h just called. He said hi what are you doing. We talked, he is so excited about his job. I just listened attentively and gave him the you are doing so great, that's wonderful h.

I asked if he got my e-mail today, he said he doesn't have his power cord and is only checking on a limited basis.

God is amazing. Here is another time for me that he is helping h and I. I have been worried the past 6 months about our home loan increasing and have been praying and praying. I had pulled out the original paperwork and it was suppose to jump up astronomical in Oct. I tried refinancing with no luck due to credit issues. Well the paperwork arrived today and it is going to increase less than $100 per month.

I was jumping up and down praising God. He is really amazing. Not sure how this all worked out for h and I with the loan, but we will take it for now. Praise God!

I was getting so worried thinking we would have to move to an apartment, but we are good for now.

Now I am going to get a dog soon, since we are staying in our home. You don't know how this huge burden was lifted off my shoulders. Now all that h provides from his new job can just go to savings. I have been able to pay for everything by myself while h has been gone.

[happynow]

Hi PH,

I'm so glad your H responded to you sending him that card & it seemed like it was in a positive way.

Yes, God is so good & we just have to keep looking to Him!

(((HUGS))))