For the Guy with Kids and a WW 10

[hopeful4her]

N is the one that went to Journey with us. N is single, but not any kind of possibility. Way too stuck on herself.

D is the one that texts me alot. Don't forget her.

There's M from one branch that I became friends with early last year. Beautiful young girl in her mid 20's. Phillipino. She had just moved here from Boston with her family. We just clicked. I would make fun of her asian look and Boston accent. It would crack me up. She lived for a short period in Florida with her boyfriend. Up and down relationship with them. They were on the down. I worked with her for about 2 months then I transfered. We kept in touch. She knew my story and she told me hers. Since I have left, her rollercoaster continued. He visited her late last year and she became PG. All of the sudden he was really gone. She just had the baby 3 months ago. She has had to file for support, he wants paternity tests, he has not tried to even see the baby...it is getting ugly. She emails me and calls every once in a while. She called me early last week to let me know her family decided to move back to Boston. The news made me sad. She thought about staying but it would be way too hard for her alone with a baby. She needs her family. She invited me out for some drinks before she leaves in a couple more weeks. She is such a good person and beautiful to bat. She says that what I'm doing is the best for me. She can't stand GBG and she doesn't know her. She knows how hard I tried and that I love GBG very much. Too much. She tells me to move one. I NEED to move on, she tells me. I've done EVERYTHING I can. She tells me that I need to make myself happy.

These are the types of friendships I have with a lot of women.

God puts good people in my path. I just wish they weren't so dang gorgeous.

Y took me to lunch today. Lots of talking.

I found myself doing something I have never done before. I was purposely talking to her and trying to see if I could get her to get more personal. PURPOSELY. It wasn't that I WANTED to know, it was to see if I could DO it. I have never purposely done that. I was trying to see how deep in convo we might get. Like testing her. Experimenting. I got her to tell me something that she says only one other person knows. The guy she thinks she is in love with. Her psycho day. Years ago. I have always let a conversation go where it goes. I've never purposely tried to have an end result. In the back of my mind, I kept hearing ya'lls voices.

I thought to myself "I'm in complete control of this conversation. I can lead her anywhere I want."

And I left it at that.

It was the strangest feeling. It's not like I just flat out asked her to tell me her little secret. I kind of worked it.

I thought about it afterwards. I'm not going to let myself be taken advantage of by anyone. I am the strong one. I don't care if it's GBG or anyone else. No vulture's gonna get me. I'm going to protect myself.

It was empowering. Like I told myself that if I really wanted to woo her, I really think I could. And that is all I wanted. I think I was testing myself too. Testing my self confidence and my self control.

What was I doing, because I feel really good about myself right now. As a man.