Essie, i LOVE your flirty-erotic-innuendo-filled text message exchange!!! And I loved how he said his drill could get more use!!! that is good news on so many levels!!!!! also like how you complimented his... "drill"... !!!!
Maybe we can start a possum and drill saying here. Has anyone ever seen Dame Edna (60 year old cross dressing man, with purple hair who interviews celebrities)? He/she always calls people 'possum'!
So no possum action yet....
I did ask H if he wanted to come over a bit earlier this morning and I would make him a cup of coffee before he started work on the bathroom (which is almost finished). He said that he would be there, but he didnt show.... In good news though he sent me a Utube link, which is a first. But after kissing action, an email link feels like we are going backwards.
So my dilema is..
Its H's birthday in 2 weeks time. When I saw him for the concert he was hinting about how much he would really like to see a very very important rugby match that is being played on the night before his birthday. Only problem is that the tickets have been sold out months ago. There were a few tickets left in the really really expensive section, but its a bit hard to justify..... Anyway a few days ago I did a search for tickets, entered him into any competition I could find for free tickets, tried e-bay etc. But couldnt find anything that wasnt ridiculously overpriced. Then yesterday I thought I would just check back on the official ticket website and they must have had a few cancellations, or credit card declines, and there were a few tickets left in the medium priced seats. So I got 2 tickets. Very exciting! I love giving people suprises like that.
But the rugby game is on the same night one of my new friends is having a fundraising dinner. And I already said I would go to it. So do I give H the ticket and he can take a friend? Or do I just give $$ to the friend who is doing the fundraising? And if H is back to being an arse, and dropping out of contact, should I give him the tickets at all?? Will he see it as pressure and me coming on too strong? At least I have 2 weeks, and I know its highly unlikely that he would have managed to get himself tickets..
What do you think?
I'm curious to see if he wants to see me this weekend - I'm pretty much busy the whole time!
Essie - IMO, if he's still being a total butthead then sell the tickets for a ridiculous price and donate the money to the fundraiser. If he's being kind and considerate and deserving of your time then donate money to the fundraiser and take your H to the match for his b-day. If he's being ok but seeming to be uncomfortable around you for some stupid reason then give him the tickets and tell him you knew he wanted to go and you "happened" upon these tickets and knew he wanted to go and you were sure he could find one of his buddies to go with him.
Just MHO.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I'd wait, and go with him if things are ok, or yes, give him the tickets, with love. If you dont really love him, then this reconciliation has no chance from the start, right !??? If I were you, I'd give them to him or go with him, I gave me ex 2 tickets for a show in November I would love to go to. I know he would too and he was soooo chuffed, but I dont know if he will invite me or not. I still gave him the tickets though!
But then, maybe I am a sap, and you always were made of tougher stuff than me Essie! So um, maybe dont take my advice!
Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
My gut feeling is to give him the tickets no matter what... even if contact is minimal between now and his birthday. if you feel comfortable going together, then ask him to go with you. if you feel more comfortable with him going with a friend, then maybe give them to a friend for the friend to give to him. but you put all this energy into creating this awesome loving gesture, don't waste it! let him feel the love!! also, because it sounds like he's had trouble finding people to go to special events with him, it's possible he could really appreciate your company at the game too, as well as the gesture of you working so friggin' hard to find those tickets!!!!
I agree with T- give H the tickets with love and no expectations. It's such a gorgeous and generous thing that you've done in finding them for him that I'm sure he'll appreciate it at some level.
The other thing I'd say is not to expect things to go completely smoothly with seeing each other- he may still be confused (although I can't understand why when you're so flipping HOT), and a bit scared, so he might cycle between seeing you and backing into his cave. Two steps forward, one back and all that. Keep being your awesome patient strong self.
I know the Youtube link feels a little like going backwards, but do you think there's a way you could just go with it? Maybe reply with a link of your own? In my sitch, the Youtube links have really helped H and I create a fun connection that we laugh about when we meet. It's not a substitute for the face-to-face communication, but an additional one that creates another layer of fun between you (?)
It's a bit frustrating that he didn't show this morning. Did he say he wasn't going to be able to make it, or just not show? Might be worth setting a little boundary there if you'd been waiting in for him?
Just to let you know things are going really well between H & I. He rang me Friday night not to ask me out, but to see what my plans were for the weekend.... I made sure I was busy all weekend, and even Sunday morning, which is when he might 'pop' over after wakeboarding with next door neighbour. I think he was a bit disappointed, but I to encourage him to make plans to see me, not just stop by when he is free.... H wanted to come and help paint the bathroom, so we casually agreed that we might see each other Sunday afternoon.
H did come over.. I was pretending to have a sleep on my bed. H came and lay on the bed. I lay there for a bit. But then jumped up and got him a drink. Then we sat on the couch talking for a while.
I'm still having mobile phone dramas. And as I was telling H about it, he got really passionate and started saying I'm going to go in and tell the manager to fix my WIFE'S phone. He used the word 'wife' a few times and told me his speech that he would use to get them to give me a new phone. It was very sweet and protective.
Then he started to make a move to go, and I must have said something that made him think I was a bit disappointed, and he said he didnt have to go if I didnt want him to (!!). I kept saying 'we could do something tonight?', trying to get him to think that he needs to take me out. He had other plans and we pashed on the couch for quite a while. I eventually got up, and we agreed that we would meet later for dinner. Anyway we had dinner at a nice restraunt, and a long kiss ny the car. Definitely H is hinting lots about how he would like to go further. And I've been able to be flirty and fun, but not turn him down. I really want him to chase me, but dont want to be controlling.
He must be wondering how I have managed to see him so often and not bring up one R conversation yet. And if H gets a bit deep I always change the subject to light. It feels good.
When I got home from work last night H was there! Such a shock! He was painting the bathroom, but I know he deliberately stayed later to see me (he could have stayed later heaps of other time). So that was nice. I gave him a bit of dinner, but then fortunately I already had plans and had to go out.
I'm working on being encouraging. Its a real 180 for me to support his decisions instead of saying what I would do. I need to work on this the most.
And the possum and the drill flirting must have worked caused that carried over.
Essie - IMO, if he's still being a total butthead then sell the tickets for a ridiculous price and donate the money to the fundraiser.
Thanks Mishka!! He is a total butthead most of the time!! I like your thinking. I think I might give him the tickets this weekend, but I will see where he is on the butthead scale!
If you dont really love him, then this reconciliation has no chance from the start, right !???
Oh Ali, I love him so much... but I'm really not sure I want to live with him again, and I can see that there is a long journey again. I get concerned about whether I can really respect him again, and now I think repsect might be more important that love. What do you think? My heart still flips when he smiles at me, but I'm OK it I still have to walk away from him, if he isnt going to add to my life.
Originally Posted By: AliSuddenly
I gave me ex 2 tickets for a show in November I would love to go to. I know he would too and he was soooo chuffed, but I dont know if he will invite me or not. I still gave him the tickets though!
Do you think BF saw this is as pressure? I'm glad that he was so happy. I hope H will be happy too....
