Backsliding

[EnergyAZ]

Thanks for your reply Tipper

How do you find the strength? I really admire that, but have to admit for the 1st time during this whole mess that I really feel my strength dwindling by the day.

I suppose it couldnt hurt to mention my wife suffers from periodic bouts of depression. She had made enormous personal strides in this department over the last 1 1/2 years - however, dealing with her depression over the years has been very tough for me.

As she made strides for herself, as her self confidence improved, self doubt waned - she came to a realization that never in her life had she ever been truly independant. And she had decided that she needed to go out in the world and experience her independance. At what cost I would ask her - that my son and myself should sacrifice the family life we love so much so she can satisfy this curiosity of hers?

Anyhow - she just called me, had a bad day at work, sobbing uncontrollably - looks like the manic side has come back a little.

I am so exhausted. Its been nearly 8 years of drama. I dont know how much more of it I can take. I worked so hard to build the life that I have, I just want to enjoy it. And as soon as it seems she is out of the depression woods - her 'enlightenment' compells her to destroy her family.

So I work even harder trying to keep it all together. Trying to continously improve myself, fighting for the marriage, being on the recieving end of countless gloom & doom nights from my W, trying to be the best father I can be, trying to maintain a high level of performance at work.

I am just so exhausted I cant help but allow my mind to escape by daydreaming 'what if'

What if I just move on, find a woman who is not so high maintanance and finally, finally begin to enjoy the life I worked so hard to build.

I know...I am down right now, gotta find a way to get back up. Tomorrow is a new day

carpe diem

Thanks again for your reply & good luck with your efforts - I wish you all the success in the world!