DB coaching session 1- done!

[JenInVen]

Well, first of all she asked me about why I was calling and we spoke about that for about 10 minutes. I told her I wanted and needed to forgive XH for the EA. She asked me what forgiveness would feel like - what would I feel if I forgave him. I told him I'd be more relaxed in general and that'd it would mean I wouldn't think about it much at all. The thoughts would be less. She asked me what could I do to forget about it and put it behind me and what would I do if those thoughts came up. I told her I'd read a book or take a shower to try and put them out of my head.

She told me that I seem to be a type person who needs XH to reassure me and sometimes he can't. We discussed how in the beginning he was more open to talk about things and that was his way of reassuring me. He gives me little clues that mean he can't such as "I don't want to talk about this with you" and I need to examine other words or body language that indicate he's unable or unwilling. Sometime I could respond with "your right, thanks" or to develop my own phases or body language that shows i understand or ways to stop the convo from going downhill fast. She said I can't rely on someone else - I must try and reassure myself and self soothe.

She told me usually the latin or Hispanic man is much more macho and he wants to take care of his "princess" but if he feels unappreciated by the "Princess" then he will give up. She thinks, based upon what I told her of his comments, that he couldn't take it anymore.

She asked me to look at ways of showing Xh how much I appreciate him and all that's put into this. I told her he has told me in the past that I don't appreciate him.

I have to come up with ways and words to self sooth and that stop bad thoughts.

She told me that I shouldn't invite him to do anything for a while. The goal is for him to come to me.

I need to journal every day for about 30 mintes. She said to handwrite because the ideas, thoughts and emotions flow easier that way.