Well, my friends. I got a lot accomplished yesterday.
I woke up and took my kids to school. Came back, and assumed H was ready to go with me to the courts to file for our divorce.
H: Oh. Um. Can't you just go? I don't have to be there, do I?
Me: No. You don't have to go.
And I left.
Drove to the courts, parked, walked my paperwork in, had a very nice woman helping me. I was shaking so much I could barely fill out this tiny sheet of paper in order to file. I wrote my check for $140 and off I went. We'll get a court date in a few weeks.
Nice.
Came back to the house, and didn't even phase H when he realized I went without him. I treated him kindly and told him that I need a lot more space from him that I am getting. That this will be my home, my place of rest/relaxation. That he has somewhere else to go to have his space. That I need him to be gone when the girls are sleeping. That he is welcome to be here to visit the girls/take the girls/help out when he can. During the day. At night, he is to go to his dads. He laughed a nervous laugh, which meant he was totally caught cake-eating. He listened and seemed to get it. He quietly left last night when the girls went to bed.
The peace was amazing.
I told him we are separating finances next week.
I will keep up with this. I need it. Thanks for giving me the courage.
His guilt must have kicked in because today he made a huge trip to Lowes and is starting big projects around the house. I appreciate his help, but never asked for it. He does care about me, just doesn't want me as his wife.
