SG~ I live south of bloomington! Got my ADN from LLCC, and BSN from MU!!goin back to MU for my MSN....they are keeping me on my toes!! what was your major at ISU?? That's a great school from what everyone says!!!
thanks for checking in, christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
I was thinking it would be kind of fun to fix a big pan of lasagna...H's favorite and surprise him, just have it sitting on the back patio one night when he got off of work!....any feed back??
Yes, I think that is a good idea. Just make sure no animals can get into it before he does! Do you think it would be more fun not to leave a note or anything......just leave the lasagna? It would be "maybe" more mysterious. Although, he proably knows your lasagna very well and will have no problems in knowing where it came from. Then you have throw the ball back over in his court and you can see if he will respond. If he calls and thanks you for the Lasagna or even acts dumb and asks if you left it......maybe play dumb and all innoncent like and just have a little fun with it. If the two of you could start joking and learning how to have fun with each other again.....I think it would hlep his anger problem and you could certainly relax and show off that great personality and humor you have.
Schedule a outing of mud bogging... with some random people.. and hope he shows up.
Day on the lake.. small group.. you bring your dogs.. he brings his. These ideas from Forrest......anything that would show H that you are having a "life" and causally inivite him along for the fun.......in the beginning of this...ahhh...."project"..."man hunt".....whatever we call this. I don't think he would feel threatened in any way if there were some others around. Also, if he refused the invitation, you could act all nonchalant about it and say, "Okay, maybe next time...we are going to have a blast". As you do these type of tings from time to time and try to build back a "friendship" thing that is like a "no strings attached" for him, so he doesn't get all freaked out, then slowly when you think he is ready for a more one on one time......you will know and I'm sure you can think of ways to inspire him. Does he have a birthday coming up soon? Are these plans you've made, are they during the labor day weekend? I know you mentioned a family reunion this weekend (I get confused...sorry ) To invite him to a family reunion is not good, but you coudl be thinking of something to get together for labor day weekend----if you don't have to work! That doesn't leave much time for you to get that lasagna out there! If you do come up with some plans for a "group" event, maybe leave him a dish of his favorite food with a note attached that says something to this effect....."For more of this great stuff.....follow the attached map with instructions".
If he bring up that blasted pool subject again......and if you know what you want to do.....just tell him what it is and do it and get it over with. If you don't know what you want, then act all "girly" as if you don't have a clue (you know how men like that..lol...sorry guys) and tell him to do whatever he thinks is best b/c he is living there. Now I know that would be very hard for you as you've explained, but do you want to be right or be happy? I just hate to see a couple's R end b/c of a darn "pool"! I know that isn't all of it and probably only the icing on the cake, but it seems to be the black hole at the moment. It needs to be closed ASAP.
Let me know what you are going to do and then we can go from there. I can think of the ideas........Forrest isn't the only one around here that has an imagination.....lol.
Excuse me for a minute, if you don't mind, I need to ask FG what something means.
Take care and don't work too hard. Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I know what a DAM is, but what is a TCB? (As I hold my breath in horror waiting for the answer)
Quote:
Quote:
Originally Posted By: sandi2 I was always the type of gal that "played hard to get" so this is a turn around for me.
But.. does not being hard to get.. require someone.. chasing?
Yes, the someone chasing should be the man. Haven't you heard that old saying about "the man chases the woman until she catches him"? I literally grew up that way. My mother taught me that was the way "good girls" were to behave. I know that is pretty much forgotten about in today's society and it seems like it's been turned around. All I see anymore are the girls chasing the boys. It takes the fun out of natural conquering for the man. It's not that I can't think of ideas, but it is just strange to me to go this route of the woman pursuing the man. Maybe I'll learn something, but I hope not at Christa's expense.
Well, I warned you guys that I was old fashion! But, it is still ingrained in me and I think some of those old fashion ideas still work today, just don't see it happening very often. However, if Christa's H responds to her chasing him and that will prove to him how she really feels about him......we just need a little clue from him and we are off with all kinds of ideas (between the three of us).....the poor man won't know what ht him!
So, take care FG. Sandi
P.S. My H just came in to tell me that a close friend and relative just passed away. Also, our D is having health problems again, so I'd appreciate everyone's prayers. We have had so many people around us to die lately. Makes you realize how short life is and how we should make the most of it. This realitive of mine that has passed away.......she and her H were so close to each other. Of course, they had problems like anyone else, but, they accepted each other's "quirks" and they worked their problems out together and have been married probably at least 45 years or more. He will be so lost without her, it breaks my heart. I'm sorry, I suppose it is really hitting me right now, so I need to go. Thanks for lisenting.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi~ I have sent some random texts....he has been responding, slowly, says he's done...I need to get over it. He's going to see his L. He's said all of this before. So could be he's crying wolf, hard to tell. But he is responding. Just being a little bit of a smart a@#!!
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm praying for you as well.
take care, thanks for the input. ((((sandi)))) christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
I know what a DAM is, but what is a TCB? (As I hold my breath in horror waiting for the answer)
I find my definition of what TCB means.. offensive.. I really do. Hence my reluctance to define it. I suspect.. people can figure it out on their own. DAM.. grew on its own. Yes.. I had to "define it" but people accepted it. I am not ready to "define" it. Someone will need to step up.
Or.. you could just say I don't want to define it.. cause I am scared.
I would agree.
I know I am a DAM. No question about it.
Originally Posted By: sandi2
Yes, the someone chasing should be the man. Haven't you heard that old saying about "the man chases the woman until she catches him"? I literally grew up that way. My mother taught me that was the way "good girls" were to behave. I know that is pretty much forgotten about in today's society and it seems like it's been turned around. All I see anymore are the girls chasing the boys. It takes the fun out of natural conquering for the man. It's not that I can't think of ideas, but it is just strange to me to go this route of the woman pursuing the man. Maybe I'll learn something, but I hope not at Christa's expense.
Yes.. I have heard the quote. But.. at the same time.. what would your Mom do if she heard you met a guy on the computer? Sorry. We just have to allow for times are different. We all make mistakes.. and have to overcome them. To me.. you can't apply the logic.. unless you apply it all.
I was hoping to finish this.. but I am tired.. and can't post anymore.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
Anyway.. the idea has been to text and get a response.. He is responding at times usually with something that is directed at hurting Christa.. or getting her worked up to where she can't think. From what I know.. he has a lot to lose if he moves forward with the D. He has made some references that he is going to move forward with the D.. but no papers yet. The angle that I am playing with in my mind is he just needs to understand that he can talk to her. She wants to hear from him. Not necessarily to fix things.. but just showing some interest. In all likelihood.. from what I have seen and heard.. he is somewhat happy just living his life the way he is now. There does not appear to be a significant other that may play into things. There is likely someone.. but nothing really important. At this point in his life he is just happy to come and go as he pleases. The thing about the responses we have seen so far is they just seem.. silly? Flippant? At one point he did indicate he wanted to see Christa.. but scheduling conflicts brought that to a close. After that.. he made reference to him and Christa had not seen each other in a long time. My gut tells me he is just playing it safe.. and controlling the situation. Which is fair enough.
The texting could generate something.. it is just gonna take a lot of work. Chrita is going to have to stir it up some.. if she ever expects anything to happen. I don't want her running down the street after him.. I don't want her to be a "Booty Call". In all likelihood.. she will have to put herself out there.. in order to see anything happen. Or we can sit back and wait.
I like the "Old School" approach that Sandi2 has. I don't disagree with the benefits that it has. There is something to be said about a man that knows what he wants and goes after it. At the same time if you hurt that guy that knows what he wants.. he may cower away the next time. That is why I suggested the "public" outings.
Me and Christa are still working on the text angle.. see if we can get him to respond that way.. in a favorable way.
Sorry about your close friend Sandi2.. I will keep you in my prayers.
Christa.. Sandi2 seemed to like the outing at the lake with the dogs and friends... what do you think? Can we get something in the works there? Get a time and place set up.. I will come up with something to text him.. or maybe we will call him!!!
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
I'm game for a lake outing....but there could be some major concerns on his part! and a few on my end... dogs would not be an option....all 5 of the kids have yet to meet...that will have to be done in a very controlled environment...i'm not ready for that!!
he could bring his, or i could bring mine...but not all 5...we just are not "there" yet!!1
boating...i boat with my family, he is not comfortable with my family. he thinks/feels they are the ones that steered me towards leaving him. so i'm not for sure if this is a route to choose.
I was thinking of asking some mutual friends, if we could set up 4-wheeling down at their place sometime in the near future. I could take my 4 wheeler down, and ask him...then they could also ask some more people...that way it is a group environment...or if they could do something to help me out. i think this may be a safer approach...there would be no family involved and we would be around our friends who we would both be comfortable with. or if the same crew would want to get together and go to a comedey show or something. this would be people i think i could see him around vs. seeing me with my family, who he's really uncomfortable with at this point in time.
let me know thoughts and feelings etc.
christa
Last edited by christarn; 08/27/0810:52 PM.
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
) To invite him to a family reunion is not good, but you coudl be thinking of something to get together for labor day weekend----if you don't have to work! That doesn't leave much time for you to get that lasagna out there! If you do come up with some plans for a "group" event, maybe leave him a dish of his favorite food with a note attached that says something to this effect....."For more of this great stuff.....follow the attached map with instructions".
(As I hold my breath in horror waiting for the answer)
