The Door That Never Closes!

[Treese]

Hello Everyone....thanks for checking on me....I have been texting a few of you just to keep my head above water...it really hasn't been easy....Not sleeping much...tossing and turning....H goes to court on September 3 and weeks before we have results of the genetic testing....I'm really just numb right now....I cry....I want to hate him...but I can't...he was the love of my life...but I don't think I'll ever be able to trust again....H still has the I don't care attitude...the "is what it is" thing....now that irritates me....I am on pins and needles crying daily and he is happy go lucky H.....when I asked if he was happy he said, "that depends on what aspect of my life you are talking about"...he said the part he wasn't happy with was his relationship with his kids.....the rest he is happy with...yesterday he took S11 to practice and brought him home cause I had back to school night...when I was heading home I called to make sure son got homework done and showered and H said yes....and asked if I was on my way home....when I arrived H was gone....my guess is because he can't face me but I don't even know anymore....I'm done trying to figure him out...he's on his own...I'm drained....He still doesn't know why the mother of his child did this....well, she wants money....

I went on the computer (bad thing to do) and looked up some things on back child support, and in my state, they can collect back child support even if the child is now an adult....so even at only $400 a month back support for 8 years, and you're charged interest, would be about 59,000.....I about fainted...I am trying to just get money together to get an attorney....he will have to have an attorney if it turns out she wants all this...they could take my house...my hand is forced to file....I see no other option at this point....I can't let her go to court and get money that needs to be split with my children....he has put me in a huge bind....we don't have that kind of money...I actually married for love.....I got off the computer because I couldn't handle reading anymore.....plus I realize every sitch is different....but he will still have to pay forward....grrrr....I just can't believe this.....truly....I really need some advice but until I can gather the money, I'm stuck and it looks as though I will be screwed....H still thinks the judge will let him live....he has to have enough to live on....I cry in fear....fear of the unknown.....I mean it would be different if he didn't know the kid was his but he did and for 8 years.....

arrrrgggghhhhhhhhhh................

my mind races all the time...going over scenarios.....what is going to happen which led me to get on the computer again....

You all know that the girl he is with now is a friend of ours from when we were growing up....well...OW is a teacher and I went online to her school....I have not seen her in years....last time I saw her she was beautiful, dark brown, black curly hair....great body....etc....well...I pulled up pictures on their website and OMG......i found 1, only 1 picture of her....I was shocked....when they say they affair down....believe it....she has aged....very plain....very full face....she looked terrible....her hair was my color now...kind of a medium brown...I couldn't really tell about her body but I really didnt need to see it....I almost felt relieved....she's not beautiful any longer....and wow...he traded me for her....she must really be good in bed or she makes him feel like he is king.....I showed the picture to a few of my coworkers and they were shocked...they were like, "are your freakin kidding me"...so it wasn't just me....and dryheat...I sent him a pic...he can tell you....I wish I could post both of us here to show you but we can't.....I dont' know why but I had to know what she looked like now.....well...I don't think I'm great but I'm a 1000 times better than her.....let him have her.....I would love to email to H and ask him what he was thinking but why...it's not worth it....and the mother of his child is just as plain....I don't get it....I take care of myself....I like makeup and I wear nice clothes and he went for that....wow....that's all I can say.....so that's it....this is where I am....still nowhere.....

Keep praying for my family.....we need it......

((((hugs))))

Treese