Another one joins the flock (III)

[Mike85]

Hi Mike -

My W too is deeply entrenched with OM and I have also chosen an L that is really good, but has the kids best interest as priority #1. And the OM is the one that recommended her L and he is the one doing all the leg work. W even had the gall to ask me if I wanted to borrow his camping trailer for a trip with the kids.

My W's OM has the gall market cornered:
- when he knew that I didn't know that he and my W were sleeping together, he and W pulled into my driveway to get stuff for "her place". He got out of the car, introduced himself and shook my hand.
- at same event, he asked my help in cleaning dog vomit out of his car. He and W had just bought a puppy (of course, they pitched it as "hers" at the time) and it got carsick.
- at same event, he asked my help in loading furniture and supplies into his car for "her place"
- when he and W were having dinner at my in-law's, my in-laws mentioned how they were going to have to get rid of so much stuff when they move to the assisted living facility (FIL has advanced Parkinson's), and OM put "dibs" on FIL's table saw and other power tools. W got upset when MIL immediately replied that "if anyone is getting them, it will be MIKE!"
- he made a big show of offering to pay for lawncare for my in-laws months ago and did nothing. Now I go out there and mow their lawn every week.
- he and W took our tent, sleeping bags, and luggage set to go on a weeklong camping trip that was originally scheduled a year ago as a family trip involving me. W tried to get me to let them takes my kids with them on that trip. I said no.
- he bought my oldest son, a cub scout who just earned his "whittling chip card" his first knife.
- when he fell off the wagon and went AWOL in May, he told W on his return that he had "financial safeguards in place" that would ensure that he could never go on a bender again. He went on one two weeks ago. W forgave him when he promised her a Christmas in Jamaica.

I hate the guy with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns.

I will forgive my wife.

Him? Never. I hope he burns in hell for all eternity for his part in what has happened.

I can say that I really thought my W was going to have a change of heart even while she was living with OM. She told me several times she was on the fence long after I filed. Friends and family were not supportive of my patience in wanting her back. Only you will know when all chances for your M being reconciled are over.

My parents and my true friends have stated pretty much what you said above - that only I can say when enough is enough.

There is so much time in your state for your W to come to her senses. Keep DBing for your M, but also do it for yourself and your kids.

I do thank God that New York has had the wisdom to NOT allow "no fault" divorces. If my W could have filed during the angry portion of her current insanity, she would have. Now, because she has NO grounds under NYS law to divorce me, I am forcing her into the one-year-and-a-day-after-legal-separation bit. A lot can happen in a year. As Jack has told me, I must be patient.