Well, the first thing I wanted to write was HE IS SOOOO LOVELY! I remembered why I love him and came away feeling warm and fuzzy and IN LOVE. I haven't felt that for a long time.
So there were a few things that could have really wound me up before we started but I let it go. He texted me this morning to say were we meeting after work. I replied to say yes, where did he fancy meeting? Anyway I got no response, so I detached and went and had a wonderful afternoon shopping with my sister. At 16.53 I got a message from him. I didn't hear it and at 16.58 I got a message asking if I'd got his message. Before I would have blown my top - outrageous that he doesn't reply and I am expected to be at the end of the phone waiting on his call. I let it go... responded to say I was in Oxford st, he said to meet at Green Park. I said I was with my sister, what time. He said half an hour but not to hurry on his account. So I said could we meet at 6 to which he answered that was ok but he had to be somewhere at 7.30 so (instead of getting angry) I replied '5.45 :)'
So we met up, I had just bought a really nice coat and a couple of people gave me compliments so I was feeling quite confident. I said did he know anywhere and he said yes, there was a place he'd been to before (I suppressed my jealousy and didn't ass-u-me). We went in and I asked if he wanted to eat or just get a drink and he said just a drink as he'd had a big lunch. Instead of just saying ok, I'll just have a drink I said that I'd have a small something as I was hungry (I felt that it showed a bit of independence and I was hungry!).
So we found a table and sat down. They had a sharers menu and I looked over it and the waitress brought over a menu and I chose some chicken bites thing. I know that he really likes those so I said they either come in a starter portion or they do a bigger sharer portion. Would you like some? And he looked pleased and said yes. He ordered a coke and I had a glass of wine. This is a bit of a 180 for me and I hoped it would show I was his peer, plus I quite fancied one!
So we had some general, quite awkward chat like we have done previously. He said he was very tired from working the Notting Hill carnival. I think I surprised him by saying 'oh, yeah I went to that'. He got interested then and started asking me about my journey there and back (he works for in transport). I explained and said that I went to a prom. So we then caught up on Albert Hall gossip (we used to love bitching and discussing that stuff together!). Then we he said about the finances. He said how annoying it was and I validated (it is!!). He asked what we should do so I answered that I had brought some bank statements, would he like to have a look. He said yes and looked through them. He identified that he had a few personal direct debits coming from there (yay, I didn't have to point it out!) and added up the direct debits that we have to pay from there.
He said, 'but we pay more in each month than goes out' and I said 'I know' and validated. I showed him the balance at the moment and we estimated how much would come out before we both paid money in and we would be £800 overdrawn. He said, well it looks like we have to put some extra money in there. I said yes, just to bring it more into the black (he looked worried at this point). I said but we don't have to put it all in this month, for example we could both put in an extra £200 this month and an extra £200 next month. He looked really pleased with this suggestion and agreed.
It kind of came around somehow in the conversation (I can't remember how) but I managed to ask him if he ever checked the account. He replied yes, just the balance at a cash point around the time of the mortgage and I said that was great. Maybe if we just send each other a text if we check it that everything's ok and he said that was fine.
At this point he went to the toilets and I felt discouraged. I felt no connection and even though everything was amicable, that was really all it was. So, I paid the bill (as most of it was mine!) and also I had said drinks are on me in my original email. When he came back he went to look at it and I said it was ok I'd paid. He looked really pleased and said thank you. I was expecting him to make a move to go at that point but he sat down again. I nearly made the move to go (as Michelle says you should be the first to leave) but I stopped myself and went with the flow.
He initiated conversation again (I can't remember what about). He asked me how the gardening had gone and I said great would he like to see a picture (I had it on my phone). I ended up showing him loads of pictures of the cat which he loved and he said what an amazing job I'd done on the garden.
Then I asked about his Bf in NY and he said he was doing great and had joined a band. I said how great that was, had h found anything like that? He said no, hesitated, and then told me that he had signed up to be a mentor at work. I asked what that was and he explained that it was meeting with someone lower in the company who wanted to be a manager and explaining what that was and guiding them through. I said how wonderful that was, as he was really good at things like that, it was using his strengths (it is one of his strengths and he knows that so it wasn't too gushy for me to say that). I referred back to a time at uni when he had put on a musical production with a local youth group and how successful he'd been at encouraging the kids and did he remember that amazing card they sent him afterwards thanking him. He smiled with pride and said yes.
I also took a bit of a risk by teasing him a bit. He said that it would start in a couple of weeks because they had to match him with someone similar to him. I said 'oh that's good' then he said something and I smiled and said 'I hope they don't pair you with someone annoying' and he laughed and said 'yeah' then I laughed and said 'mind you if they do (then something like) what does that say about you (but it was phrased better). He laughed a lot at this. This is very much my sense of humour!! I'm pleased that I felt relaxed enough to joke with him (I think the wine helped...) and it paid off. I love that it wasn't the rigid politeness that has developed.
He said he was sorry he had to go, some of the people he manages were going on a course tomorrow and he had the tickets and he had to go over to Waterloo to drop them off. Here was my big 180 - instead of disapproving that he was making so much effort for not much return or rolling my eyes or giving off vibes I said that he was a wonderful boss! He looked so pleased and proud.
As we left I rubbed his arm and said thank you for helping out with the account. He said no worries it actually turned out to be quite simple (me thinking no kidding!!! but keeping my mouth shut! ) Then when we got to the station he said well, I suppose I'll see you soon. He hasn't said that before!!! And I smiled and said yes, bye and headed off down the escalator.
So, not having expectations but we ended up having some natural flowing conversations and we formed a connection which allowed free flowing conversation. Yay! And we got the bank account sorted! Double yay! And I think we both left smiling! Triple Yay!
) Then when we got to the station he said well, I suppose I'll see you soon. He hasn't said that before!!! And I smiled and said yes, bye and headed off down the escalator.