I have never posted to you before but I've walked a mile in your shoes (or similar footwear - LOL). I was here on the MLC bb for app 3 years, starting in 2001. Like you - I REALLY struggled to detach. It seemed to be the opposite of what I wanted. But it really is necessary in order to grow and make necessary changes - regardless of what happens down the road.
I found that the best way for me to detach was to "get a life". Now, that does not mean go looking for someone new. No, not at all. It simply means - find purposeful things to do in your life. Find things to do that you enjoy. Try to remember who you were and what you enjoyed doing before you got married.
I enjoy spending time travelling so I tried to find ways I could afford and learned to travel first with friends, later on my own. I also picked up some old hobbies (cross stitch, painting) and also some new ones (making miniatures, going to the symphony). The thing is - when you are busy doing things that you enjoy - it is less likely you will spend as much time focussing on your H and what he is up to.
I know how hard it is to do the things I've suggested. Sometimes I just wanted to stay in bed and pull up the covers. But these things do help.
And try to be independent. It never hurts to learn to do things for yourself. It really bugged me in the beginning that I had to fix things myself - I would just call H to do it. STOP! Do it yourself. Let him be.
I hope my suggestions are of some use to you. Hang in there. And NEVER be afraid to get as many suggestions as possible. That is NETWORKING. It is always a good thing. But it is up to YOU to decide which info to use and which info not to.
