Thankfully, I do have some severance, so money won't get tight until the first of next year. I have really been thinking about this job and other than a brief 3-4 year period it never was very rewarding. If it didn't pay so well, I would have left it years ago. I have felt for the most part that I've been a cog in a machine. It's a very large corporation and I've seen literally hundreds of people that I have known personally get downsized over the years. When they talk about companies shipping jobs over seas, this is one of them.
So this may be really good for me to have a change. Find something to get excited about again. Maybe I can find a small company again where it feels like a family.
All I'm thinking of is my wife this weekend. She is the most important person in my life and I am determined to make her feel special for her birthday.
All thing wrok to the good... this will turn out good with His guidence.
Sorry to see this news. We have a few close friends who have gone through the same thing in the past year and after all was said and done, ended up with better jobs at more pay. But, the process is stressful and causes a lot of self-doubt, so keep your confidence level high. I agree with DQ on having a plan as well.
Best of luck and stay positive!
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
She is already threatening to get a job in retail now. We'll never get to see one another if she works odd hours like that.
This may be good for her ... I felt more alive when I worked outside the home. Aside from just working for my hubby.
Sorry to hear this news... about your JOB~
God has something better and more suited for you. To go with this new path you are on. I am sure of it. Look at it like that... even when it seems horrible. K? God has this... I am sure of it.
Also think positive about her Birthday tomorrow.. Make it unforgettable They way the New and improved Cinco would. Forget about the past. Erase it for the whole day.. just enjoy her. Be with her and not the past or the memories. Take care and God bless... ~Ali
Your encouragement is working wonders for my attitude. I know I'll get through this little bump in the road. I believe I am more ready to face it now than I would have been say a year ago. The new me can face anything!
Saturday was great. After doing yard work I spent the afternoon picking up around the house did a little vacuuming. Sat down with W to do some mum work. Later we cooked steak and shrimp on the grill, it was really good too.
I gave her the promise ring and she really loved it. I think she will get a half size smaller so that it won't fall off of her little finger though. The best part is that we finished the night ML. This is another big step because in the past, she would not want to ML on her B-day and instead take the night off. We took the time to make it special. No big rush to hurry up and get it over with. The quality of ML is getting better and I feel that she is enjoying it so much more now.
I must always put everything I've got into making each day with her special.
Just dropping by. I tend to agree with Alimari that getting a job would in all likelihood be very good for your wife. It would challenge her and validate her in ways that being a wife and mother do not.
In my own situation I was at one stage caught in what I then regarded as a dilemma, but was in fact classic nice guy thinking.
On the one hand, I was resentful at being the breadwinner but not getting sex "in return". But my wife was herself also depressed due to spending so much time at home (and probably also being married to such a moody and angry man).
But... instead of pushing her and motivating her to get out and do something, I'm ashamed to say I didn't, my skewed thinking being that if I did, there would then be even less opportunity for sex. This in turn led to even more resentment on my part.
I'm not saying that this was ever your situation. But I am saying (1) don't underestimate the importance of work and the outside world even to the SAHM woman, and (2) do not think that sex and passion is necessarily a byproduct of making a woman's life easy with plenty of spare time - if anything it can work the other way!
Ultimately, if your wife truly appreciates the importance of passion and ML to you, she will ensure it happens, no matter what her hours of work. Just my $0.02.
How is the jobhunting going for you?
S&A
"A man can be destroyed but not defeated" - from The Old Man and the Sea, by Ernest Hemingway.
Which I take to mean that every man has within him a spirit of relentlessness and optimism. Its already there; he just has to cultivate it.
Great input on this. My wife has worked our entire marriage and the "I would have more time for sex" vibe has been brought up by her frequently and I have always suspected what you are saying is true.
The other part is that by having more income, we are able to not have as much financial stress, take more date nights, vacations, etc.
She is probably losing her job this winter and the subject has come up, so great input.
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
S&A - You don't know how close yours and my situations are. The only difference is that I am 10 more years into it than you and I did (like an idiot) act on my thoughts of cheating (which I sorely regret now).
For years I have thought that she needed to work again. Not for the money but for the self-esteem. She was so much more confident when she was working. Like your thoughts, I felt guilty when I would push her to work again.
The problem now is she is threatening to go to work at Wal-mart, not exactly a high esteem job. She used to worked in the credit dept. at a bank.
Well at least there is an external reason for her to get out now.
My job hunt is going ok. I've got a couple of leads already, still have to wait for the layoff to get severence first though. It was actually pretty nice of them to give us a heads up about what was about to happen so we could get a jump on this. Also been tweaking the resume a little.
I am sure DanceQueen (where are you DQ?) would say that this "time" excuse is not a conscious form of manipulation i.e. to get the husband to do more stuff round the house or even to support her financially, and I would agree.
Like the "headaches" DQ has descibed on her blog, I think it boils down to the creation of other pressures in order to avoid dealing with the "why" of why the wife doesn't want physical intimacy at that moment (or generally).
The problem is that nice guys such as I used to be, buy in to the "time" excuse, run themselves ragged and wind up resentful and with a wife that doesn't respect them (though even she may not actually know "why" she doesn't - perhaps the frenetic nice guy behaviour reinforces her own "issues" around sex).
In my own marriage I am working on replacing my previous approach with a healthier, more playful, response. I am starting to understand from female posters such as DQ and Alimari that a woman essentially wants:
(1) Her emotional needs met (this is not necessarily about "time" per se, but masculine presence and attention when she talks).
(2) To be seduced.
(3) To be kissed with great passion and at length.
(4) To open up emotionally as a prelude to physically.
That is a process that takes care and attention, not just more and more "time". It is a long way from how I used to think about these things.
I am still learning.
S&A
"A man can be destroyed but not defeated" - from The Old Man and the Sea, by Ernest Hemingway.
Which I take to mean that every man has within him a spirit of relentlessness and optimism. Its already there; he just has to cultivate it.
It is amazing at how much "more kissing" has done for our R lately. I have been stealing kisses from her at random now in the evenings in the kitchen or while she is watching TV in her lounger. Sometimes she will only do the quick smack and won't let me get a really good kiss. Other times though I am surprised when she will really engage in a nice kiss and I get to play with her hair or caress her neck... Highly recommended.
Last night I tried to initiate ML. I got all the excuses in response: I'm tired, it's too late, I have to get up early, and I haven't had a bath. I was really proud of myself. I was about to say, "There must be a few more excuses you could add to the list." However, I DID NOT say that. Instead I said, "Ok I understand, goodnight W."
This morning W gave me a big hug and a kiss goodbye and said, "I am so sorry about last night. It has been such a busy week and I fell asleep in about 2 minutes after I laid down. I promise to make it up to you this weekend."
If I had gotten all pissy about it last night she would not have had this attitude. A little patience and understanding goes a long way.
not exactly a high esteem job. She used to worked in the credit dept. at a bank.