Before I forget, Here was a little pick me up courtasy of D9. At one point while W and I were talking last night, D9 came down and asked if I would come up and tuck her in. I go up a few minutes later to say goodnight. D9 says she loves me and says that she is sorry if mommy makes me sad sometimes, and that mommy just gets grumpy every once and a while. She points out that I have been grumpy before too. and then...bless her heart she says, "You've been doing a really good job taking care of me and [sister].
I fought back a tear (Really I almost lost it) and told her that, her saying that meant a lot to me. That I was really lucky to have two such great kids.
I was really touched.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
My boys are the same - oldest even asked w if he could and live me. I suppose if we can do out best to keep our kids happy we are doing a lot.
I'm never sure about the jealousy thing with waw - it might be just old habits with them or curiosity. It would be nice to read something into them but i don't reckon we should.
W and I agreed that kids would not meet OP. It's not a problem for her since she lives in her own place and the kids don't stay the night there.
When the kids bring it up, I'm really careful to support them w/O any negativity. I think they know that we all miss mommy. I really want to protect them from as much of this as I can.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
There was a bit of turbulance this weekend. W had the kids on Sat, while I had plans with my friends. It gets complicated but she was furious at me because I was not going to make it home in time for her to make some plans she had made in the middle of the night about 3 hours away.
We text a bit and she calms down and asks if she can leave in the morning and use my motorcycle since it's safer on the freeway. I decide it's not that big a deal. But want to think about it more so wait to tell her untill I get home.
Now's where I might need a 2x4. I had the opportunity to just be cool, lend her the bike and let it be...but when I got home some how I got to rubbing her hair while we talked about it and I backslid.
No R talk, she was liking the hair rubbing and asked me to continue when I got up. I left to get ready for bed and when I came back down I acted...strained. Oh, and I offerd for her to stay since it was now 3am and she said she wanted to leave at 7am. (BONK!)
Long ago I told her that she disarms me, it's still true. Every time I see her want to take a step backward. Apparantly sometimes I do.
My goal today is to move on with no regrets, I can be fine with this as long as I correct my course and keep sailing forward.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
Backslides are just a fact of life. My W was the same getting angry if i "let her down" looking after kids or something.
W disarms me to. i'm making the same backslides and you and a heap more.
You've got a good attitude in not having regrets and keep going forward. Stay with it
I find my emotions keep tripping me up and i;m not really moving that fast.
New experience today- felt like i could not leave my W prescence - it was like i was rooted to the spot - strangest feeling. Almost like i was hypnotised or something.
The only backslide I see is that you are questioning yourself so much. She didn't mind getting her hair rubbed and anyone in their right mind would have offered to let her stay on the couch. Those things are fine....you lived the way you wanted.
The part I have a problem with is her getting furious because you didn't bail her out. Was it your problem or hers? Were you supposed to have the kids? She doesn't need to attack you and she also doesn't need to play nice to get you to go along.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
I listened to her side and she really wants to know the exact time I'm going to be home. These are the evenings where she comes to the house to spend time with the kids and I get to go do something fun for myself like go to a moto club meeting or to a friends house. I am usually out until about 10 or so. sometimes it's later but I try to tell her when that'll be. Lately she has been texting me when I'm out with "ETA?" I try to make a good guess but I don't always have an exact plan or how long I'll be. Most times I'm home between 10 and midnight. That particular night I told her that I'd be late when I dropped the kids off to her. She appreciated that I made an effort to let her know. But she was upset because she made plans as if I was going to be home at 10 and I didn't finish by then. She had to Cancel/delay her plans.
(To be honest I think it was unwise of her to make plans to go on a 3 hour ride at midnight on a night where I say I'm going to be late and she is to have the kids. but I left that one alone with some difficulty. Let's not ask where she was going.)
I'm pretty sure I can handle this peacefully. I'll just have to be really clear beforehand that I'm going to be out "for the night" and that I aim to be home before midnight but reserve the right to extend that time if things go long. I'll still usually be home by 10 but it's way better to be early than late.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
I think you need a better arrangement. You can't be at her beck and call like that. Isn't there a way for her to arrange overnight visitation? You need at least a day once in awhile to not be accountable to her.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
I think you need a better arrangement. You can't be at her beck and call like that. Isn't there a way for her to arrange overnight visitation? You need at least a day once in awhile to not be accountable to her.
That is the plan. sort of, I'm not in a hurry to loose the kids for a week at a time, last we spoke of it her idea is to get an apartment and we'll split the kids 50/50. (The longer this goes the less I like that idea.) It's not all downside. I get to go out at least 2 or three nights a week which is way more than I did in the beforetime.
But you are right. I do need to be less accountable to her sometimes. Right now she rents a room in a shared house with two other roomates. I'm not sure I'd be ok with the kids staying there. W did mention it once.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
Why 50/50? She has been perfectly satisfied not having them 50% of the time. The longer this goes on the more of a precedence has been set for less visitation for her, although if she wants to step up to the plate I'm not suggesting you hog the kids.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
