And this is why we can be good friends - because the man has a problem. His whole self-worth system is based on sex, he's still looking for the lady to tell him he is a very 'special boy', just like his abuser. He's constantly looking for the perfect women, and he'll never find her. He doesn't think he will have a relationship longer that 3-5 years ever again.
The man has a journey that I don't envy one bit.
Originally Posted By: happycamper
I know that if they split up that won't change things between us. He has absolutely no intention of reconciliation with me. And yet there is the 2% of me that thinks I should be divorcebusting rather than accepting that it is over.
I don't think DBing is just about saving marriages--first and foremost it's about saving yourself. You ARE DBing by concentrating on you, setting boundaries, learning to be strong, being friends with your H. Honestly, your strength in dealing with what 200? one-night stands (I guess he was even cheating on the women he had longer affairs with?) is incredible. You have a capacity for empathy and love, for yourself and H, that is truly rare. You deserve all the best, so concentrate on you. And if your H manages to make a very difficult journey of actually figuring out how to love himself at some point, maybe you will be together again. Who knows? But YOU are the most important thing right now.
Concentrate on rewarding your amazing strength with happiness.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
