Help me Act AS IF, Part 7: The Separation

[newnamenewlife]

Thanks, Summer. I like your take on it. Unfortunately, I know my H--and even if he one day wakes up and believes he made a mistake, he will never cop to it. He is not one to dwell or feel guilty for long. He loves to downplay the whole thing--doesn't like to "pathologize" the girls' struggle with the S. People get separated every day, as he put it.

I spoke with him today and he was back to being all business. In the end, he loves the girls, but he doesn't love me--and that what kills me again and again. He IS happier overall without me, even if he misses my country house and some aspects of our life together.

I keep hoping that he'll fall apart and come crawling back to me, full of regret and shame and sorrow--but I know I have to stop that because I am routinely being disappointed by him and it hurts each time.

I just wish I didn't have to have so much contact with him--which I do, almost daily, in order to manage the girls' lives. I could use some serious distance-but even hearing his voice or exchanging emails un-hinges me a bit.