Sooner, I could have written this last post at one time, except that I am the mom in our situation. But I feel for ya! It can get awful lonely when your spouse wants to sleep instead of cuddle, and there is no time during the day carved out for you two.
We also experienced the dilemma of him falling asleep while putting our daughter to bed. Then he was so groggy that sex was out of the question. It took a long time but I finally got him to agree that us spending NO time together was not healthy for our marriage. I would shake my head and wonder, Does he really think that we will just pick up where we left off in 20 years after the kids are gone?! We'd be strangers!
So we had an intense conversation one night and we made some changes. The first is that I now put the kids to bed, because I can stay awake easier. The second is that he must spend 15 minutes with me at the end of the day to reconnect. We can read together, watch TV together, talk, whatever, but it has to be just us ALONE (that heavenly word for people with small kids). We don't always do this, for one reason or another, but it is a good practice to get in.
These two changes alone have made a big difference in our lives. I realize that they might not be applicable to you, since guys are a lot easier to boss around than the ladies. Your wife might put up a fuss over giving up the bedtime routine, for example, but what we did is that H still reads the stories but then I come in for the actual sleeping. And, like you, I can get them to sleep in a jiffy.
I had to finally get serious with my H and tell him that I was fearing for the future of our marriage--and that if we did not start investing more of OUR time and energy (didn't want him to feel that I was pointing too many fingers at him alone) into it, I was afraid of what we would end up with when our kids were grown.
Now, it is not all roses and sunshine...I still have to remind him to spend time with me and the cuddling thing I just gave up altogether. I know that he can't sleep and, truly, I want him to have a good night's sleep. It has become a whole lot easier to take since he agreed to give me my 15 minutes per day! I have to know that I am on his list of priorities, ya know? I can't spend the next 20 years, always feeling like there is something more pressing than me.
Regardless of what happens at night, I am thankful for his willingness to hear me and to understand that this is important to me. Don't get me wrong, I still want some booty, LOL, but I find it easier to take the rejection if he spends time with me in other ways. Good luck with this!
