Thank you for your post and for helping me to understand what my wife is going through. There's really nothing she's told me that I don't believe - I can tell that she's overwhelmed right now - but it helps a lot to hear it from someone else. Gives me a slightly different perspective. And I agree that no matter how much I help, or try to help, she's the one bearing most of the burden around here.
When my wife and I first started dating, she loved to sleep holding each other and I didn't really care for it. Not that I minded the cuddling one bit, but I couldn't get good sleep. So I definitely know where you're coming from, and for that matter where my wife is coming from. If it weren't for the fact that she doesn't seem to have any interest in cuddling at other times I probably wouldn't mind at all. But anymore when we're in bed together that's the only chance we ever get to be alone. And we don't really spend that much time in bed together considering that my wife always falls asleep upstairs when it's her turn to take the girls to bed. They always seem to outlast her, where with me they usually fall right to sleep. I guess it helps though that I'm a night person and don't have to get up quite as early as my wife. I'd gladly take the girls to bed every night, but they want their mommy and she likes taking them to bed and reading them stories. Anyway, I've digressed, but I just wanted to point out that I know where you're coming from on the "touching while sleeping" issue.
I appreciate your encouragement relative to how I handled the situation last night compared to how I would have previously handled it. One positive, besides the fact that we were able to discuss some things calmly rather than having an argument, was that by the time I finished my post (around 6:30 a.m.) she acted as if everything was fine. After our typical argument there's usually of couple of days (at least) of tension and resentment before things get back to normal between us. And I'm fairly sure that she took some things from the discussion rather than just forgetting about it. I hope so anyway.
My wife is becoming more comfortable with me being affectionate out of the bedroom, although we still have a long ways to go. But we're making progress at least. Her job is stressful, although it wouldn't be if not for having to deal with a crummy boss and a lot of politics. Switching jobs or quitting really isn't a possibility at the moment, but we hope that it will become a possibility in the near future. I agree that quitting, or at least doing something less stressful with shorter hours, would be wonderful for her and for us as a couple. Her being able to make some sort of a change is definitely on our wish list.
I agree that my wife could use some help concerning how to manage work, family life, etc. Besides being very skilled at her job she tries to be Supermom - and does a pretty good job. Unfortunately she has a hard time saying no - wish that carried over to the bedroom! Tonight she took our 5-year old to an introductory meeting about Girl Scouts (Brownies, Blue Birds - whatever it is at that age) and guess who's the new leader. Just an example, but a pretty good one. With regard to reading material, she heard about something called "Hurried Woman Syndrome" and thought it sounded like her. She bought the book and read at least some of it, but I don't know if she ever finished it. Ironically, it included some chapters on loss of sex drive - that's probably where she stopped reading.
Sorry I've gone on so long. How are things going with you? - haven't heard much from you lately. Give us an update when you have a chance.
