Quoting sooner1992:She proceeded to explain how much stress she's dealing with at work, how from the moment she gets home the girls are climbing all over her, how she never gets any time to herself while I do, etc. She went on a bit and basically justified why she never touches me (never gets enough sleep, can't sleep well when we're touching, etc.).
Hello Sooner,
I can totally identify with what your W was saying. In fact I just told my H the very same thing yesterday! I have no more time for me. Its really very exhausting. I can't sleep, eat, read or do much of anything uninterupted. No matter how much "daddy" helps at home its usually the "mummy" who gets the burdened with most of the load.
We don't sleep touching either because you get poorer quality sleep that way. I am not in the least bothered by it. Sleep is serious business here especially when we're both so sleep deprived so we do our cuddling at other times.
I think you have made great strides. Previously you would have said, we had the sex argument again. I feel unloved because my W can't bear to have me touch her. Now you are well aware that your W loves you. When she turns away from you in bed it is because she NEEDS to have better sleep, that is all, it has got nothing to do with not being able to bear your touch and you know it. You did not even have an argument. (So I wouldn't call it a mini relaspe, I would call it a positive move forward) You both spoke calmly and told each other what were your individual issues. Good for you. Whats even better is you did not add to your Ws stress by starting an argument and she was concerned enough to get up and check on you although all she must have wanted is to get some much needed rest) You heard your W. I am sure she heard you too and has noticed all the changes you have been making. The fact that she has even started to read up about SSMs shows that she is concerned about the issue as you are too. Be patient. Things won't always be this way. Your kids WILL grow up and prefer each others company than you and your Ws and won't be "all over her when she gets home" in no time at all. You WILL have more time for each other.
Continue to be affectionate out of the bedroom when your W is not looking busy/stressed. How does she react to those times? Your Ws job sounds very stressful. Is switching or quitting a possibility? It is a major change but sometimes all that stress isn't neccessary and not good for health and relationships (as we know only too well). The money isn't worth the stress unless you absolutely need it and the best job is no longer the best if its so stressful. Would she consider a change? (although change is in itself stressful too and you may have to bear with it for awhile too) Sooner, you know your Ws stresses. It has got nothing to do with you. If you could help resolve/remove some of those areas perhaps it might help? Don't take the negative stand that there will always be some problem in her life that justifies the lack of intimacy. It may not be the case at all. LH
