The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Glam, he's the one that wants to talk. I even told him there's nothing to talk about...because really there isn't. He keeps saying he's not going to talk about a divorce since that's not what he wants, so honestly, there's nothing to talk about. But he insists, yet keeps blowing it off.
SF, not sure what it is about the 2 year mark. But it feels like something should be turning at this point since it's long enough.
Holy crap Diane! I NEVER thought of that! Wow. Wow! You think that's it? My thoughts are excited but I'm remaining calm. No expectations at all. I can definately make it easier for H to talk to me, etc.
"Has the thought ocurred to you that he wants to talk about moving back in but he gets too scared to bring it up and that's why he cancels?"
I, too, have thought of that. About that two year mark, there are some coincidences in our situations.
Dar--it could be that your h wants to move home but he is afraid of what you might say to that.
Glam's H is making great progress toward coming home--about two years there as well.
My H--it has been just over two years and some stuff would lead me to believe he may be headed that way but it is not as evident as Glam's h.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
yes. look at my h--he has not contacted me in the last three weeks like he was doing--several text messages a night, etc. he all but stopped the texting but he has done more the last four days then he has in the last three weeks.
and they need time to think. i don't know why your h has to be, as you say, a butt. on the other hand, could it be a defense mechanism the way he is acting out of fear over how you might react to something he says/does?
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Yes, it could very well be a defense mechanism. I was the one that wore the pants in the family and took charge of things. He may be ashamed, embarrassed etc and I'm sure it's a big thing for him to want to talk. I'm just going to sit back and leave him be for real. I've thought of calling him today, but I won't. I want to leave him be for his own sake.
If you, as you say, wore the pants in the family, then he is probably afraid of talking to you, that you would reject what he has to say, that sort of thing.
I think I would allow him to see the gentle side of you, one that listens to what he says, nodding your head, saying very little and just letting him talk.
Make him feel comfortable and peaceful in your home.
Make sense?
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I remember my H telling me that he was too afraid to ask me to marry him because the first time he asked me I said no. HUH? I didn't know he asked me more than once! I guess we've always had a communication problem.
One of the hardest things for me to learn to do is listen. Just listen when someone talks. Especially when H talks, and then to actually hear what he says.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
