For the Guy with Kids and a WW 10

[hopeful4her]

Did I have a weird day. This morning at work, we shot the skit that we had to do. It was funny. It was busy today. Soon after I posted my last post, we were robbed!

Note passed, in and out. I didn't even know it happened.

This makes number three for me. For every one else there, even my boss, it was the first time.

My first time was about 8 years ago. I was manager in charge with 30 minutes to closing on a Saturday. I heard someone making a fuss at a teller window, so, from my desk in the lobby, I walked up to the guy. I ask if I can help, he turns and has a gun now pointing right at me. Not even foot away from my chest. He is saying how he wants everything. EVERYTHING! I looked at the girls that were working and told them to do what he says. Me standing there, he turns his attention to them. He's pointing at them again. I just watch him like a hawk. He looks back at me and says, "What?!" trying to be a tough guy. I say "Nothing". Tough guy with a gun. Short little POS. He gets what he wants then leaves.
Now THAT one sucked.

Police, FBI, the whole nine yards today. News channels camp outside. The norm. As soon as things calmed down a little, I emailed GBG to be careful and be aware. She works at a Credit Union about 2 miles from me. First I texted her and then emailed her. I called another friend who works nearby also at a local bank. Old dear family friend. At least she used to be. One of the original circle of friends that GBG and I started out with. She is also the godmother to S14.

Within 20 minutes, I am getting calls and texts. Hope your all right. Is everything ok? About 10 different people. My guy friends. ALL the alphabet girls.

Have I mentioned that for a big ass city like San Antonio, my world here is small? Couldn't remember if I have.

Everyone calls or texts except one.

GBG emailed me back about 2 hours later. She wrote, "I hope everyone is ok. Is there a description."

Not too concerned, huh?

I'm sure she didn't want to let me think she cared or anything.

Another reason to ask myself.

"Why?"

I picked up the girls from the apartment. I had called them to watch the news. They'll know when they see it. S14 calls me right back. "Your bank got robbed?!" Hugs and excitment when I got there. Before we left, I went to S14 and asked him how mom was doing.

"She's getting better."
"I hear she keeps getting sick at night."
"I only heard her once."

I was going to ask him what he meant by her getting better, but the girls came in.

At home, it was pork chop night. We NEVER ate it before because again, GBG hates it. The girls loved it.

I'm liking this.



And thank you, suga.

I'm just a lost person. I was so strong in my convictions for the last two years. I mean unwavering. I knew what I wanted. I was so SURE that I was going to come out on top. I just knew our love and history would win out. And now, she has moved out and left me. I feel betrayed in a whole new way.

For the life of me, I cannot explain why I am struggling so much. The only thing that I know that I am solid in is being a good dad to my girls. I'm also strong in my work.

In my personal life, I'm F'ing mashed potatos. I hate being vulnerable. To ANYTHING.

And yet, I admit I am. To ALL of 'em.

I may not sound like it, but I really am trying. Or should I say struggling.

[lost_in_space]

H4H

Lean on us bud. We are here for you as best we can.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

"The alphabet girls." Now THAT'S funny!!!

[hopeful4her]

dub started it by saying that I could date the whole alphabet if I wanted to. That one alone made me crack up.

Then suga buga came up with the nickname.

Cracked me up, too.

[Sugar and Spice]

((((H4H)))) First and foremost, thank god you are ok. I can't even imagine how scary that must be.

I'm just a lost person. I was so strong in my convictions for the last two years. I mean unwavering. I knew what I wanted. I was so SURE that I was going to come out on top. I just knew our love and history would win out. And now, she has moved out and left me. I feel betrayed in a whole new way.

I can honestly say I understand. It does get better though. I truly believe with all my heart if my H had come home the couple of times that he said he was going to, it'd already be done. As hard as it was to see him go, I know it would have been so much harder on me and the kids to have him stay. I also think that if they go, the reality of their choices sets in a little more. There isn't as much home/comfort to fall back on. Maybe I am crazy, but its what I believe. Nothing has been decided, there is no finality in your sitch, there is no closure, so stop worrying about it. Just get through today. Set some goals and try and reach them a little at a time.

I may not sound like it, but I really am trying. Or should I say struggling.

I see that you are trying, I think we all do. So don't be so hard on yourself. The things that went wrong didn't happen in 1 day, so fixing it may take a little more than that too. It hard not to get impatient, but you have to let it really sink in for it to make a difference. I'm preaching, I know...you probably hear that sound that Charlie Brown's teacher makes when she talks...lol. But be gentle with yourself and take care of you and your precious girls and son. W will have to suffer some more before she is ready to see the light. Morons...

[hopeful4her]

Part of my confusion is that I am not really talking to her. Going as dark as possible considering the kids. Not being her friend. Not nothing. If my goal is to somehow reconcile(and I now question this, too)when do I know when its time to start to talk more? To try to break through her wall. If OM is in the picture still, I guess the time never comes. Of course, we're not even separated a month yet.

Patience and time. We may have been separated only a month but she has been "gone" for quite a while now.

"Trying" to reach my goal seems to be losing its definition more and more each day. Like a catch 22. The more I stay away from her, detach and be dark, the less I want to reach the goal.

Is it just me? I'm really an intelligent man. No really.

I think I'm just rambling and need to get to bed.

[kat727]

I think you are feeling your loss and are just wanting things to happen...now. I don't blame you, we have all felt exactly the same way. The way to save yourself is just to keep working on you. What changes do you want to make in your self, not just externally but internally too?

I know you have heard this a million times but you have spent this last year thinking of her. Where were you in the equation? You were so wrapped up in your thoughts of her and your R that you lost yourself along the way. Let's work on getting Roger back.

kat

[hopeful4her]

You know the story. There WAS no me. Only her. Puting plans in place now. I'm not the type just jump in the water. I go in slowly, splash some water on me, then go under and submerge myself.

I guess that's what I'm doing in my life. Going in slowly. I know what I want to do. Just a bit at a time.

I heard D11 talking to her mom just before bed. She was asking what we ate.

"We had pork chops."
?????
"They were really good. How come you don't eat it. They were so good."
?????
"Well, I don't know why you don't."

I guess she does find out the things that are going on with me. She'll figure out that I'm NOT just sitting around thinking about her.
Good. 'cause I'm really not. Maybe just a fourth of that

Not that I give a crap, right

[kat727]

Sorry I didn't read further back this morning. I am so glad that you are ok. Probably better that you didn't realize it had happened until it was over. Just one more bit of stress you didn't need. We are going out Friday!

kat

[hopeful4her]

Get this!

Making plans for Friday with kitty kat. Googling Ironman and find it at the local $1 theater. And it's close to the folks house, but times for Friday can't be displayed for some reason. Maybe they change on Friday's.

Checking out the website, I get an internal email from the coworker that went to see Journey with B and I. Her Bday was yesterday(I called her and sung happy bday on her cell towards the end of the day), and the email says that she is having a get together for her bday on Friday at 6. Same group of friends and at the same restaurant as when B had her Bday get together in April. I went to that. Thats when N(this bday girl), B and another friend K went to a country western dance club. I had a blast that night two stepping. The girls were teaching me. I think it was that night that I figured B was up to something because she came and sat in my lap at the restaurant when we were deciding what to do for the night.

I had forgotten about that until right now.

That night I got a ticket going home, got home at 3am, GBG decided to go out Saturday night and got home at 3:30am. Found out later that she rented a hotel room. Second time. Time before was in March. I found the receipt in dumb asses purse.

No hanky panky that night. Just had fun drinking and dancing. Prior to that, it had been maybe 6 or 7 months that I had gone out at all. GBG was going out every 2 or 3 weeks at that time. I told myself f*ck it! My turn to go out and have some fun. Up until that time I had a drink with my buddy at Chili's a couple weeks ago, that was the last time I had gone out.

What's that? A 4 month spread?

B called me yesterday, too. She reminded me about N's bday. We had just gotten robbed about 20 minutes earlier. I didn't say anything. Just told her I'll have to call her back. She called me back towards the end of the day. She had heard what happened. We talk a little and I told her I was leaving work. Talk to her later. She called again just after we got home, but I didn't take the call.

Why do these things keep presenting themselves?