High fives all around!! Whew Whew!! Oh, I am so happy for you!! She initiated, too!? Fantastic!!
Yes, yes, yes, continue what you are doing!! And I think your attitude about immediate future endeavors is a good one, too. Preparation and a solid mental attitude is the best.
You know, I was wondering if you know what your wife really means when she says she feels pressured? This is what it meant to me (still does), and I wonder if it could be similar for her and others (MPT, LH?)
When she says she's feeling pressured, what that means is she truly is feeling pressured...not by you, per se, but probably by her desire of wanting to please you and the anxiety of failing you...again...polar opposite feelings warring inside.
Does that help at all? Knowing this, do you see why her knowing you are on her side is so important to her? She wars with herself emotionally, and you war with yourself physically...the emotional strain and pain that comes from "pressure" is every bit as deep as the physical and emotional pain you feel when rejected.
I'm not saying this as a criticism of you or anyone else. But I believe being empathic and tolerant of our spouse’s feelings and experiences, though very different from our own, teaches us patience and compassion. And through patience and compassion for our spouses we learn trust and how to express love.
Though your wife has not brought it up, I think she does know how important it is for her to understand the significance of your desire gaps (hence you finding the web site bookmark). You continuing to act in an empathetic and tolerant manner towards her, and continuing to be the upbeat and happy guy you are, I believe will encourage her to continue to find the answers she is seeking, and act in an empathic and tolerant manner towards you.
This process you and she are going through doesn't mean that you won't ever feel angry or frustrated again...but it does mean that when you do feel this way the next time (because you will), you know where it's coming from and why it is happening. It doesn't end the anger or frustration, per se, but you will now consciously understand, where before you didn't necessarily, that you are at the crossroad again...will you follow old patterns of response, or new?
Being able to act or react consciously instead of impulsively is sooooooooooooooo much more empowering. I mean, anger is typically a defense mechanism to keep someone or something from hurting us....and typically when people lash out in anger, it is because a nerve has been hit...it's the signal a person has been hurt.
My point being, if you initiate, she says no, allow yourselves the freedom to initiate and decline and end it right there. Do not allow misinterpretation of natural impulses and freedom of choice to spiral into anger and hurt....because they simply don't have to.
I think it is crucial for her to understand how important physical communication is for you, and I think your best shot at encouraging her understanding is through your own efforts.
I think I'm getting preachy here...and probably repeating myself from earlier posts, sorry. I'm trying to be encouraging and I don't think it's coming out correctly
Regardless, I am so happy for you
Keep us posted.
I have to go soak my foot now...can't tell you how much it hurt wrenching it out my throat earlier with MPT.
