Tomorrow is the first day of school and everyone is in meltdown / anxiety mode. D13 is stressed out and in tears when I talk to her. D17 is ok but is snippy in her attitude.
I think it's stressing them that their normal school routines are being done by me instead of their mom. Mom is going to drive them to school tomorrow but still, it's change. And they don't do well with change.
W doesn't have to deal with this crap, just like she didn't have to deal with the nights of sadness and hurt when she left. Well at least I'm stronger than this.
Personally, if W was taking the kids to school for their first day or not, I would be there too. However, my kids are only 8 and 5.
Maybe in your case, you could take the kids because they live with you and tell your W that she can meet you there if she wants. Not only are you taking responsibility for the kids, you are showing them that you are ready to take on the responsibilities left behind by your W.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
i am all for focusing on you at this point. there is a medium between wondering about her and if she is done based on her actions and punishing her based on her actions and past actions
maybe you should just be frank, do what frank would do. focus on your relationship with Christ instead of the one with waw and let him do his work. that also means not choosing to believe that she is a horrible evil vile woman that doesn't deserve compassion or prayer, just as much as it means not finding evidence that she is on her way back. today won't matter tomorrow
Last edited by phoenyx; 08/27/0804:04 AM.
I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me.
Personally, if W was taking the kids to school for their first day or not, I would be there too. However, my kids are only 8 and 5.
Maybe in your case, you could take the kids because they live with you and tell your W that she can meet you there if she wants. Not only are you taking responsibility for the kids, you are showing them that you are ready to take on the responsibilities left behind by your W.
I got all the various items needed for 'lunches' and 'snacks' tonight. Had the girls make a list and went to the grocery store. So, I'm being responsible and also a good dad.
It's ok if mom drives, she just drops them off. They are very independent as they are both teenagers. Not sure what W gets out of 'driving them' as they will reject her, not because of the situation - because they are teenagers. And since she is a woman who is afraid of her kids, she'll take it as 'rejection'.
I don't because I 'get' teenagers.
So, she can drive them and feel rejected. If I drove them I'd not really care when they bail out of the car and go - "Um, bye dad" and run off. That's what they do, it has nothing to do with me, it's the OMG, my parents thing. I'm over it.
She on the other hand is very sensitive to their words and actions. She needs them to validate her.
I just love them for who they are, don't need them to validate me. Why would I?
They are teenagers. I was one once. I still remember it so I don't take it 'personally'. I get plenty of love when THEY are in a loving mood. The rest of the time I take their 'assertiveness' as a validation that I've raised them right, that the have learned to be independent young women. It makes me proud.
I think that I need to start getting lunches ready the night before this school year. It is a battle enough in the mornings urging two small children to get ready so they make it to school on time.
What kind of lunch box do you pack for teenagers? I would think teenagers probably are coolest with a paper bag.
I do the lunch thing the night before as well. It's SOOOO much easier than! Teenages LOVE those square plastic lunchboxes like we used to use! NOT!!! Brown paper bags, or they buy their lunch at school.
I can't put my finger on it exactly, but I get the feeling that you thought she would have some big epiphany once she had to leave your house. And, that you are anxiously waiting and watching for any signs that it may be happening. You're wasting valuable time and energy. Try to disconnect from her words and actions.
Great words 'spitty'. I don't have to reiterate....don't look for anything frank...except the things your kids need for school. Do their homework with them...make the lunches....clean the house FOR YOU. DEFINITELY.....stop trying to do anything for her. If you are doing an activity or preparing something to say...and thinking about how your W will react to it, then you are NOT DETACHING.
Do for YOU.
Work for YOU.
Spend with YOUR KIDS.
She CAN'T come back to you right now..unless you want to beat me in # of OM's.............
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
