She texted me to pick up ice cream before I pick up kids.
Ok, I called my mother before this post. I lost it, because she told me about some people she knows that reconciled. I told her I pray for that day. Then I have to get off the phone, because I absolutely lost it.
I asked her the other night for ice cream, so the kids would have ice cream at the house. This does two things darling. One she can't show up at the house unannounced telling me to take the kids to get ice cream. Which I think I totally screwed up that night. It was nine o'clock she was sick, and the kids wanted ice cream. Now I didn't think they needed ice cream at nine o'clock. It keeps me away from her store when I have the kids and they want ice cream. Ok, make that three things. All she cares about is that ice cream store. So I'm getting something from her that she cares about. I could say. Nope that ice cream sucks, and never go there just because she is there. Really in my opinion it does suck. When she would come home during WAW@home stage she would reek of it. I couldn't even stand the smell. Sour milk, and burnt waffle cones. I would hold her when she got home. Then I got used to it. Because it wasn't important that she smelled of sour milk and waffle cones. It was important that I was able to hold her. I was able to rub her back. Her feet, and massage her head. She has to be missing that.
Leaving her alone.
My mom's Chaotic church.... Wouldn't know. I'm not going there. What does that have to do with anything?
I simply perfer to stand with the early Church fathers, who knew much more about Christianity than any reformer of the 16th century could hope for let alone answer the questions to the mysteries and conundrums.
Her church is Chaotic, but we still have one thing in common. CHRIST! We are still daughters and sons of Abraham. We are commonly baptized and that gives us Christian unity.
My Mother has grown spritually outside the Catholic Church. I have grown spritually inside the Catholic Church. My mother defends Catholics when people at her Church bash Catholics. She always tells them they would be no match for her son. Her churches roots were methodist. John Wesley was admired by Catholics. Most of Wesley's principles were in direct corralation with the Catholic Church. However I don't believe that her church even follow Wesley's principles.
We are all Christians. It just so happens that Catholics were the first Christians. The good book calls it the way.
To me it comes down to apostolic authority.
AmyC, my mother also said you have no right telling me that my Christianity is on trail, or version there of.
I also would like to know where you were going with speak life, and what does God see my family as. Find the verses... I'm really going to have to play dense here.
The ice cream thing. That is the most she has ever talked to me about anything. Should we be talking about ice cream or the relationship.
I'm not hostile, Phil. And I only quoted what you've said previously about your mom's church. I happen to think your attitude about her church is reflective of your attitude about most things - that only you know what's right and the rest of us are destined to suffer in our ignorance.
I suspect you convey that same ridiculous air of superiority to your wife.
You need to be the ice cream gofer, in my irrelevant opinion.
I also would like to know where you were going with speak life, and what does God see my family as. Find the verses... I'm really going to have to play dense here
I will help you with this before I leave you to your journey.
I see a whole bunch of people who are telling you to leave W alone, and work on yourself. A whole bunch! Are they all wrong?
When I read what your story about the things you yourself say(STFU, A$$, all sorts of what I would call abusive language), sheesh that is some pretty heavy stuff. I wouldn't think it is very attractive. And lustfully looking at her in church? Is that where you want your mind to be, when you are in church?
I'm not judging you because I have my own stuff to worry about. But I feel like there's something worth looking at there, Phil.
There's this concept of 180 - maybe there are some 180's you can do...like
chill out
stop cussing.
stop chewing
go out, and not just to church. and don't get drunk.
stop criticizing her, to other people. She doesn't need that now. In the story prodigal son, Did the father constantly criticize the son?
Stop laying all your feelings on her. She has enough going on without you piling on top.
There comes a time to stand up and be strong. This is a trial for you Phil, and to pass the test you gotta be both smart and strong. Can you do it? What you have been doing hasn't worked. You need something different. Can you do it?
I know you are hurt and peeved at what has happened. I know the feeling. It doesn't help to rain your disappointment everywhere, to spare no chance to point out to passersby or your family that it was your wife who left. It doesn't help. They know. Or it doesn't matter. Or both.
Would you rather be right or married?
Last thing There are some good people here with a TOTALLY UNBIASED perspective on your situation. Many of them are giving you similar advice.
I happen to think your attitude about her church is reflective of your attitude about most things - that only you know what's right and the rest of us are destined to suffer in our ignorance.
Sorry your perception is of that overture of my personality. However we have been over this before. When lostPhil is wrong he admits he is wrong. It just so happens that lostPhil is rarely ever wrong. WHY? Because lostPhil exhaust all possibilities to problems before he concludes what is the truth.
That is because that is how lostPhil's brain works. To smart for his own good, possibly. So smart he is stupid. That too...
A little rough around the edges but generally right. I'm a computer tech. I have to be right. If I'm not right it doesn't work. If I'm right it works, it gets fixed. I'm wrong and wrong until I make it right.
Air of superiority... Certain things yes. Interesting story. I have a degree in electronics. Logic, Electricity, commuications circuitry, with a high math persona etc.. Anyway, in the home improvement world I can do many things. One of my forte is electrical. I can wire up a house in my sleep. My wife could never understand why she plugged in a space heater and the toaster oven that it would blow the breaker. I wired it, so I didn't know what I was doing. I told her electricity 101. This circuit will only do 20 Amps that is what is designed for. That space heater cranks out 1500 watts. Divide that by 120 volts. Common voltage in the outlet. That is 12.5 amps. Now when you run the toaster oven at 1500 watts. That is another 12.5 amps. That is 25 Amps. When you draw that many Amps. The wire heats up and open up the circuit breaker. If it didn't then the wire would catch on fire. Fire bad.
Then I would get venom from her. OH BS, they can put a man on the moon but you can't plug in two things into an outlet.
Nope sorry...
Air of superiority. Baking... Nope she was too good at that.
Cooking... Oh, I can out cook with the best. The grill is my best weapon. She can't cook an egg right. She couldn't cook meat right. I asked her not to do it. She doesn't eat meat and has no knowledge of how to cook it.
Then she says I tried to make you dinners and you scoffed. Unfortantly she would never use the word scoff.
I would use big words. She would say you don't even know how to spell them. So don't use them.
WHATEVER!
Ice cream gofer... I don't get it.
I did pick up the ice cream. We had some light interaction and it was good. Unfortunatly pig girl was working. There was no customers but she acted like she was in a hurry to get back in there for pig girls approval.
I'm the better man. I drove by the window. Stopped, honk horn. Pig girl looked up. I smiled, waved, and blew her a kiss. She blew me one back.
I go and pick up the kids. They tell me they want to go to arcade. I agree because this is there last night of summer. School tomorrow.
Then I'm driving to the arcade and my Mother calls. She says she is five minutes away from my house. I said I'm sorry I'm not home last minute they wanted to go to arcade. She starts spewing venom. My own mother. I never get to see those kids, and you told me you had them tonight. I said I did but you didn't confirm you were coming out. You should have called before you left the house. You and I talked at two.
More screaming from her. I said please do not yell at me. I'm going to hang up. She keeps screaming. I hang up. She calls my phone five times.
Really this is how my 16 year old wife acts.
I don't need this. I answer her 10th phone call. I ask her if she is calm. She starts screaming. I said I'm not going to put up with your verbal abuse too. I hang up.
Really this is my mother. She should be supporting me, not b|tching me out.
I take another one of her calls. She is still screaming. I said please stop it. She says she didn't get to see her grandkids all summer. I said you had your favorite grandson all summer. My brothers kid was in town. She always favored him. She gets totally p|ssed. And starts spewing more venom. I hang up. We are at the arcade. My mother called my phone 15 times. 15 missed calls. Good thing I couldn't hear my phone.
It is better to dwell in the wilderness then to deal with a quarrelsome and vexatious mother.
My wife calls. But when I answer the phone she had hung up. I called back. She said sorry for hanging up, but she just dropped an entire tray of waffle cones. I said I'm sorry to hear that. She said her boss is going to be so mad. I sad I doubt it wife, she loves you. I said it is just waffle cones. She says, I know but I'm such a clutz. I said that is one of the traits I always liked about you. Don't worry about it, it is just waffle cones. She wanted to know if the kids liked the ice cream cake form pig girl. I said we are not home. We are at the arcade. I said this is their last summer night and we are going to have some fun.
I also called my parents, told them we were going to the arcade. They haven't seen the kids all summer either. They stick around for ahwhile, but have to go to the grocery store. My dad says he got a new car. But they didn't even bother to give the kids an extra five for the arcade.
YOI... My parents.... My mom... Her parents.. Her. Pig girl. Other weirdo's... My good friend. People on this board. People in my last class when I decided to go back to school. I have a giant target on my head that says lets screw with lostPhil.
Too many enemies...and lostPhil learned to react to them all in a better way.
Thanks dude... you are someone else I know that takes things out of context.
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lustfully looking at her in church
I already said it was wrong, because I was in Church. However these are the scraps I get. At least I'm lustfully looking at my wife in a non chalant way, and she is my wife. I'm not lustfully looking at someone else. Then that brings me to a point of justification. Before we got married and went to our classes with the priest. He said our bedroom is a Church. I was in Church. We were married in Church. I think I can have a morsel of thought of making love to my wife while I'm in Church.
WTF is this?
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go out, and not just to church. and don't get drunk.
When did I say I was getting drunk. I quit drinking. When I do go out I run into a bunch of aholes. Why because they are drunk, high, or whatever. The freaks really do come out at night. I would much prefer to socially drink after work like I used too.
WTF is this?
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quit chewing
Wow you are some detail oriented person. I only mentioned in one post that I used snuff. She ask me to quit. Ok, why does she care. We are seperated. Sorry I'm not ready to quit chewing. I did it for too long, and have an extreme addiction to nicotine. Guess what. I smoked and chewed when we were dating. I smoked for the first year of marriage. When daughter was born I quit smoking.
I did quit chewing after son was born. But you know beer=chew. Plus there was too much stress with building this house, my job, and dealing with her to stay quit.
After the holidays I tried to go on Wellbutrin. But that stuff made me worse. It worked the first day. Then by day three I was ready for the bridge dealing with a WAW@Home stage.
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cussing
It's my solace. Besides I cuss for edification purposes. Yes I do it too much. Listen to this story. The hunky priest at my Church was a movie buff. We borrowed a movie from him. There was nudity in it. It looked like Marty Gras parade. My father in law told him about it. He said you tell your son in law he is an a$$hole. That movie was shot in France.
Ok, here is something I never ever do. I never ever ever use the Lord's name in vain. NO GD's and no JC's or any form of it.
Trust me if anyone of you met my wife, you would throw water on her. She is a very difficult woman.
Today I think I saw some change.
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stop criticizing her, to other people.
I agree it is a fruitless activity.
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Would you rather be right or married
I thought you said you read my sitch. KS and I have beat this topic to death.
I need support, not stupidity.
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Stop laying all your feelings on her. She has enough going on without you piling on top.
And what is it that she has going on. MLC? Depression? Selfishness? I don't want to be a mother anymore, and I definetly don't want to be a wife anymore.
SizPrizeMe... I think you have some value in what you say. But to me all of this is BS. All of it. Nothing will be right until she snaps out of it. Let me love her like I have been shown how to love. Stop all the bickering. The malice... Her anger. Love her man that gives her anything she wants.
Put her on a pedastal she wanted. I thought I was.
All fabrications. Even today with the school issue. You never wanted to take the kids on the first day before why now?
No, the kids didn't want me to take them. They only wanted you to take them. I was going to go with you guys. I wasn't aloud by you or the kids.
I'm thinking even today. My wife would always say don't embarrass me when you pick up the kids. Because I'm the funny guy. One time I went to pick up the kids on my day off. I shook everyone's had and said hello I'm the cool dad.
The next day. She told me I was an idiot for doing that, and I embarrassed her. So SOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRY! That you one idiot PTA mom thought it was weird. Everyone else laughed.
It's all BS... All of it...
Justify... Yep... I can justify everything in this book and with this book.
1 Timothy 6:23 Stop drinking only water, have a little wine for the sake of your stomach and your frequent illnesses.
How about a little bit of beer?
Ephesians 4:29 No foul langauge should come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for needed edification, that it may impart grace to those who hear.
Shout at the devil and swear at the demons perhaps?
SirPrizeMe... you have plenty of gall. Like others. I don't think you really read all of my threads, or you would no better. What really gets me in the chewing comment. That was a needle, and absolute needle in the haystack but you somehow found it.
Now this is the verse that my wife and I need to concentrate on.
Ephesians 4:31 All bitterness, fury, anger, shouting, and reviling must be removed from you, along with malice.
Puppy, you were told to not post to me, or to others that are posting to me.
Now please go and pray for me. That is your best activity.
Besides it wasn't would you rather be right or be married. It was would I rather be right or happy.
I also told all of you that being right has nothing to do with any of this. Because we are dealing with her feelings or lack there of.
Even if I would have done something differently it still would have been wrong. Why because she was never happy.
THE SKY IS BLUE! But who cares if she thinks the sky isn't blue. Because someone else could come along and say the sky is really blue. She would believe them over me. Because everything I do in her eye's is a catch 22, a double standard, and wrong.
BTW SirPrizeMe... Over and out is the wrong form of communication. I have a degree in electronics. You just use over after a transmission. And you you use out. When the transmission is over. They should never be used together. Yes, I know some hollywood mishap, but it isn't proper communication technique.
