The girls and I are up at my family country house for the first time ever without H. I have been alternately fine and then really, really sad, flooded with memories, noticing all the little ways H had an impact on the house. I was amazed that he actually shared in an email that he was having a hard time with us all being here, that he missed being here and that he was "feeling it acutely."
Of course, he didn't say he missed ME, just being up here. But it was good to hear him admit to feeling SOMETHING, given how cold and detached he has seemed.
It's hard being a single mom up here. We have friends up, but so many tasks were delegated to H (splitting wood for fires, grilling, just to name a couple of things) that I now have to do in addition to all the other stuff I do.
I feel very sexless as a single mom, too--maybe it's having to be more macho than usual. My friend was here with her H and I asked him for help with lots of things that H used to do. I feel kind of like a charity case, even though I know that is my own problem and not how I'm perceived.
Me/X-H: 47/48 T 19 yrs M 16 years D14 D10 ILYBINILWY: 10/07 H moved out 6/08
