One Last Pull for this Knot to Break

[sleeper]

X brought the kids by last night. We're having issues with our son not following directions. Seems as though he didn't follow her or OM's instructions to not do something. OM told him what priviledge he has now lost. It bugs me when he disciplines our children but I have bit my tounge so far as it has been rare and mild. He has no children of his own and therefore lacks not only the right to do so (IMHO), but any practical experience in the matter.

As I walked X to the car I broached the subject of disciplining our kids in light of our D and "other people". I told her in our son's eyes OM is in a gray area, not his parent. I added if either of us remarries it would be different, of course, without going into any detail. Much to my surprise she took this very well. I expected her to become defensive of OM as she has in the past on other topics but she didn't. Her only refuting response was that our children should respect and follow the instructions of adults.

The expression on her face when I mentioned the posibility of either of us remarrying was surprising and interesting. She looked a little surprised and as if "that's not going to happen" and "I hope that never happens" at the same time. I stated this very matter of factly and as if it makes no difference to me if she remarries.

While she was in my apt she commented, "We need to get you some shelves." It's difficult moving from a 2,500 sq ft home to a 900 sq ft apt without an attic or storage building. Gradually my apt has become more and more cluttered as I have moved my belongings into it. I've got lots more to move.

This shocked me and struck me as funny at the same time. When she kicked me out (my counselor advise me to go and not fight her) she didn't care if I had a bed to sleep on and vehemently forbade me from taking "anything" (furniture) from the house.

[Bworl]

You did better than I would have.

My comment would have been something to the effect, "If your boyfriend ever disciplines OUR child again, He and I will be having a rather heated conversation. I expect you to pass that on because I will only say it once."

Period.


Bill

[sleeper]

I think I did the right thing.

He has never physically disciplined our children and seems to have more problems with DS than DD. Early on in this DS (then 5 or 6) called OM a "J*ckass", repeating what he had heard his mother call him. X wanted me to tell DS to apollogize. I wanted to pin a medal on him for character recognition. That's my boy!

The discussion went much better than I thought it would. By remaining calm and unthreatening I think I came across as the rational, caring parent rather than the jealous X-husband. Funny thing the only other time I mentioned the subject X suggested the three of us (X, OM, and me) sit down and talk about it. She didn't suggest that this time.

[sleeper]

Ok so kids, my mom and myself ran into X today driving around town. We were talking and she said, "I really screwed up when I bought my car. I should have bought one that seats five like yours instead of one that seats four. I don't know what I was thinking."

The only time we have ever had five people in my car they were; X, our two kids, myself AND MY WIDOWED MOTHER (whom X used to HATE). So why does she wish she had bought a car that seats five?

Maybe she's going to marry OM and have his baby. I don't think so due to hypochondria and pending female surgery. H*ll she made me have a vascectomy following the accidental conception of our second child before I could come near her. And she was still uneasy.

I need to detatch if for no other reason than to keep my sanity.

[sleeper]

Back to school night drama.

X called last night to ask if I had info about back to school night. I missed call (ringer off) and called her to tell her the kids had brought a notice home but I had taken it to work. She didn't answer so I left a message.

This AM I read notice and back to school was tonight. I called X, no answer, then I texted X the info, no reply. I felt responsible because the kids had brought the notice home to me last week and I had misplaced it. I called a couple of more times during the day with no answer. She finally called about half an hour before the event, asks me to save her a seat. I told her I would if I could.

Whe she comes into auditorium she tells me OM is in office with kids (first time he has attended a function such as this) and was talking with DS's teacher because he was bullied today to the point of being pushed down and hitting his head by a child two years older than him. I nearly blew a fuse. This was the first time I was informed of this and what the H*ll was OM involving himself for? She was taken aback at my response and said he was trying to help and they had just found out about it from DS on the way there. I told her the next time I found out something important about our children she would be the second to know, and one day when I tell a girlfriend first she will understand. I made it clear that it was none of OM's business. She defended him saying he was trying to help and knew DS's teacher. It was all I could do to not ask if they planned to get married (that might change the way I feel about it).

When OM arrived in auditorium I asked what questions he had asked. "Was an incident report written?" "Uh, I don't know" "Was the other child disiplined?" "I don't think so." "Has the other child been identified as having emotional or behavioral deficits" "Uh I didn't ask." I fumed through the welcoming program. OM got a phone call during the program and left auditorium never coming back. How classy. X and I moved to our child's classroom alone. OM never joined us. I think he stayed with our children in the hall.

In the classroom X began to write me notes during the teacher's presentation. She said she would pay my PTSA dues when she paid hers. I almost said, "don't bother. We were sitting at little 4th grader desks and it was kinda weird, like being in school and misbehaving. I poked fun at her a couple of times (she was the misbehaving underachiever in school) she laughed often. I calmed down pretty quickly.

At the end of the presentation I asked if our children's Karate dues were paid up she said yes. She knew what I was thinking in light of the bullying incident and said it would be great for the kids to go back to the Dojo but she would need help getting them there. I told her I was sure OM cold help her with that. she frowned.

As we said goodbyes in the hall (all five of us) I told her I would take care of what we had discussed tonight. She asked excitedly, "taking the kids to karate?" "No" I answered, "the parent conference with DS's teacher about the bullying".

I'm going to go as dark as I can this week, but we have another back to school night to attend Thursday.

[forward]

Sleeper, I think dark would be good for you. Remmeber--it would be for you.

[sleeper]

Why Breton? Am I that bad off?

[forward]

Sleeper, you haven't mentioned things other than W for a while. What else are you doing for yourself these days?

When you go dark/dim, you're forced to find other things to do. It can be very good for you.

[sleeper]

I hear you Breton. I messed up my shoulder (level 2 torn muscle in my posterior deltoid) in the gym a few of months ago. That has really thrown me off. Gained some weight back, loss of natural endorphins, lower energy level, routine disrupted.

I know I'm not doing as well as I was a year ago. I'm about to attempt to go back to exercising after abstaining for 3 months.

I really need to get a life and let go completely. It's had with kids. I know you know that.

I have some long term goals but need some short term.

That's kinda backward, isn't it?

[forward]

Sleeper, no, the short-term goals are actually harder, you know?

Concentrate on your health there. I'm doing the same. Try for some alternate activity for a while?