I don't know when this happened... I use to go on laptopless/cellphoneless vacations all the time.
I really went a little nuts and buried myself in work to survive my D - and now I feel like I emerged an addict...
Once again today - as I relaxed - I started to feel down. And then felt the urge to jump and do something productive.
I feel like I should be caught up with respect to housework, adoption stuff, gardening, work - everything. I feel like it is my fault when I fall behind b/c I should be managing my time better. I feel like a failure every time I see something that needs to be done - that I am not doing!
I feel guilty when I take time off b/c I feel like I don't deserve it b/c I am always behind - that I am procrastinating and avoiding doing what needs to be done...
I talked to my insane neighbor. She said she feels the same way - but that is just how life is... She admits to feeling like she is going nuts if she doesn't check her email/voice messages while on vacation. She is okay with it - accepts it as normal. I don't want to do that...
How weird that my goal is to not have any goals till I return from my vacation!
I feel like I am in the middle of my own version of The Fight Club. If my brain decides to be depressed - so be it - my physical being and my mental part of the brain that works is ON STRIKE. The depressed part is simply going to have to accept that it can be depressed as long as it wants - I am not going to jump and do something that is productive.
I am going to fight it. I didn't use to be this way before. I use to go on really interesting vacations all the time. It use to be a joke at work that I was always planning my next vacation.
There is nothing that needs to be done today that can't wait till AFTER my vacation. So I am going to NOT WORK even if it kills me.
Life is well fists are flying in my own version of The Fight Club...
