I have never posted to you. I have read some of your posts in the surviving forum - you really do have a lot of insight into other people's situations.
I just noticed that you are working with Michele - and well it is not easy. I worked with her 5 years ago and didn't save my M - but have a lot of peace today and use many of the skills I learned with her in my life today.
With respect to attorneys - I am one myself and well I tend to sift through emails quickly for the facts that I can use to do what I need to do. Chances are your attorney won't really pay attention to anything emotional that you write to her that is not relevant to your case.
I am so sorry you are going through this... There is DB'ing and there is taking care of you. Settlement negotiations are businesss negotiations. I have read what H wants as far as settlement. What do you want? Why not sit down and take a day to figure out what you want and then send an email to your attorney with that list and talk to your attorney to figure out what is reasonable and whether you should ask for more or less.
Another option is to have H prepare the first draft and then have your attorney review it with recommendations. I know how scary this part is and you do feel sick to your stomach through most of it...
You can actually do both - love H and love you. You can disagree with H's opinion with respect to a settlement term and still love him. Loving someone does not mean that you always have to be on the same page. You can disagree with respect to an issue w/o personalizing it to H. It remains to be seen whether H has the capacity to do that...
It is also possible that being business like with H during the settlement negotations will be a 180 for you and will catch H's attention.
BTW: The X also told me he could never forgive me when I was Db'ing under Michele's supervision. I told him I understood and wish that he had told me when there was still time to fix things - and to let me know if there was anything I could do to change his mind. And then dropped it and didn't address or raise the issue myself.
And on those occasions he reacted by being angry - my only response was I just listened quietly - and if it was nasty - I neither agreed nor disagreed. The only thing I said very calmly and quietly was "I am listening."
