I apologize for not responding until now, especially since you've been so helpful to me. I started to type up a reply today at work but then got too busy with work stuff to finish. From your latest post it sounds like you may have worked out your problem, but I'll give you my insight for whatever its worth. Sorry if I'm too late to get it to you before you leave for your vacation.
Quote: When you and your wife get to this point...you know it isn't going to happen, and you either roll over pissed or you have the argument....what do you wish she would do differently at that point instead of what she normally does?
Man, you know my situation well! That's exactly what happens. When it does, my wife never does anything to make me feel that she cares - she just rolls over and falls asleep, leaving me to lay there with the hurt and frustration building up. I honestly think that if she were just sweet about it, saying something like "I'm so sorry but I'm just too tired (or whatever) right now" then asked me if we could do it in the morning, the next night, or whenever, I would feel so much better. If she would cuddle up to me really close and fall asleep holding me, that would help too.
Quote: I would have done a BJ, but at that point he'd say to me, "no, you're just doing it because you don't want to have sex."
In that regard, your husband is obviously very spoiled compared to me. My wife would never say that - and if she did I would feel completely loved, especially since I'd know that she was doing it just for me. Sure, I'd rather be able to make love to her and have her enjoy it as much as me, but in a situation like you were in last night, I'd have no complaints whatsoever if she offered to do that.
I'm sorry that I probably wasn't much help relative to your current situation - I think the fact that my marriage is currently so much more sex-starved than yours makes me see things a bit differently than your husband does. I hate to turn around and ask for you insight at this point, but you've been so helpful that I can't resist providing a little more background into my situation.
When my wife and I were dating, the sex was wonderful. However, besides the occasional change of location, she was never much on trying anything new. She's never once given me a HJ. She's given me a BJ once - before we were married - and we've now been married over six and a half years. It was outstanding! But I've never known if she's never done it again because she just absolutely hates doing it, or if she's afraid that she's not any good at it, or some other reason. It's not as if I'm not willing to do similar things for her - I'd absolutely love to, but when I've tried she doesn't seem to be comfortable with it. Granted, I didn't really know what I was doing in that regard until fairly recently, but I've studied up a bit and I'm fairly comfortable that I could become quite good at it. Unfortunately, with the situation as it's been, I never get the chance to try out any of my newly acquired skills. Sure made all of that sound technical didn't I! I'm actually trying to remain as tasteful as possible here.
One other thing that I can't understand. We talked previously about "relieving pressure". I am quite the expert at doing so, and have been for a long time. However my wife claims that she has never in her life "relieved any pressure". Considering what I've read, that seems to be quite unusual, even among females. I mention it because it might tell you something about her sexuality issues - and if it does, maybe you can clue me in. Let's say all of this sex-starved business eventually goes away and we are again having sex frequently. That would be wonderful, and things would certainly be tolerable if that were the case, but I'd like some variety as well. Is there any hope? I realize that there's not much need to be concerned about variety until the frequency issue is resolved, but at some point I'd like to know if there's a way to bring my wife out of her shell and have her become interested in more than just the missionary position. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Gotta go "relieve some pressure" now. Have a great vacation.
