Thinking of biting the bullet

[ACJ]

BM,

Thanks. I've lost track of your current thread so I didn't know you had a seizure. Are you ok?

As for the iPod. In some ways I agree with you. I was really torn. I didn't want to spend that sort of money on a child who right now totally disrespects me BUT it was my idea that I buy him one in the first place and so he could've construed it as me not living up to my promises. I couldn't win either way really. I decided to buy it b/c I wanted him to see that he can rely on me to keep the things I say. He has often accused me in the past of going back on things so I felt I needed to pull a 180 on him here.

Deep down however I know you are right and I should not have bought it (especially with the way the day ended up being).

[BeingMe]

More importantly, you shouldn't have bought it because you can't really afford it right now, and he should understand the predicament you're in (although, not likely to happen, since he is a teen). Anyway, it's done now, so pointless regretting a gift given, 'eh!

How is your D13 doing? I worry more about her (I guess I see her in my D15, since she was about the same age when my sitch was unfolding), since her dad seems to be very unpredictable in how he treats her. Awful message for a young girl to have from her dad. I think out of everyone in your sitch, she has suffered and lost the most. Your older children had a more stable family for a longer time, and they can hold their own with your H. Whereas, she is entering the most emotional time of her teen years, so will see everything as either her fault, or against her. Your H abandoned her at a time when she really needs him to be there for her. I am so glad that you are being her stable parent ... hope she gets the bedroom you're decorating.

I am medicated, so I hope that will be the first and last seizure. I should get the results of the EEG next week or soon thereafter. Ugh!

Take care.

[Truelove]

Have a good day. (((HUGS)))

[ACJ]

BM,
I too am worried about D13. I can't prove it but I think she is getting herself tangled up in things that aren't appropriate for her age and I think it is directly linked to her feeling that H abandoned her. I also think that she feels S16 has also abandoned her. I'm really concerned at how she will perceive relationships with men in the future. I'm doing my best to get her to open up but it isn't happening right now. As her mum I can tell she is holding back but short of calling her a liar and alienating her too I don't know how else to handle it.

As for the bedroom D13 is welcome to use it once it is finished but she has her heart set on moving into D18s room once she has gone to Uni. They have had an understanding since before S16 left that this will happen providing that D18 gets to use it when she is home. She has said herself that this won't be very often as her BF has his own place and lives relatively near to where she is going to uni and so will be spending most of her time when not at uni with him. I've kept out of this debate and am waiting to see which room D13 will choose to move into: a newly redecorated one or one that although bigger definately needs some work on it as D18 has trashed it a number of times over the years. It will be interesting.

As for your seizure. I had them when I was a teenager so I can totally empathise and would not wish them on my worse enemy. If you want any support off line you have my email.

TL thanks for popping by.

Hs current tack is trying to discredit me with everyone (especially family members). It hurts but I know in my heart that what he is saying is not true so that is all that matters (providing my kids believe me I will be fine).

[BeingMe]

She is probably very angry. Can't blame her. I forget, but does she see an IC? Might do her good to speak to an objective, professional. Also, if there are other men in her life, such as grandpa, or uncles, that can pay special attention to her ... that might help some. I can imagine you must be very worried.

As for H's current tack .... shows his character more than yours ... continue to take the high road, and as you said, you know the truth, and as long as you can prove that in a courtroom (or not, really, but I was thinking of impact on divorce proceedings), then it doesn't matter what he says. I know it must hurt though, to be lied about by someone who you have loved for so long, and shared your life with. He is not the same man now.

Thanks for offering support for my event ... hope it's done with. It must've been frightening for you as a teen. My one was bad enough ... can't imagine having them all the time. Eek!

Take care of yourself, ACJ! Think of you everyday.

[ACJ]

Thanks BM,
My dad does what he can for all of us but he lives 90 miles away and to D13 is ancient! Neither of her uncles pay any attention to any of my children. My brother lives at the opposite end of the country and BIL never even remembers their birthdays. You were spot on when you said D13 has been hurt the most by all of this. I know she is craving male attention and I'm really worried that it will end up being of the wrong kind.

She isn't seeing an IC. I have asked her time and again (all of them actually) but she in is very resistant. If I force the issue it just might push her over the edge and I don't want that to happen.

As for the seizures I don't remember how many I had but I do remember each and everyone of them. The last one was my first day at high school. How about that for timing. I lost consciousness with all of them except that last one. Ironically I wasn't put on meds until after that one and thankfully they worked. They think in my case it was hormonal and each time I was pregnant I was scared stiff. The menopause will be an equally trying time for me. The fear never leaves you. I do hope you will be fortunate enough to only have the one. Have they given you any reasons why?

I'm being very contemplative about H at the moment. It struck me the other day that he is a 'rescuer'. When we met I had a really bad R with my mother. After one really bad verbal fight I remember begging H to take me away from it all. A week later (12 months after we met on holiday) we got engaged. He rescued me. When FIL died he decided for himself that he had to take over as head of the family. He rescued MIL (and still has her tied very tightly to him). When he met OW she was living in a bad area in a bed sit. They don't live in a palace now but it is far superior to where she was. He rescued her. The only thing he doesn't seem able to do is rescue himself.

That makes me very sad.