I'll be rereading your post a lot in the next few days. Sure, it came across as a bit harsh, but that's okay - I think it was exactly what I needed to hear. As much as I'd like to hear that I've come up with some great idea to solve all of the problems between myself and my wife, I'd much rather hear what I'm doing wrong and how I can fix it. That's the reason I'm here and that's exactly what you've done. I greatly appreciate the thought that you put into my situation.
A little background for you on the weekend trip issue. Whenever my wife and I have gone anywhere without the kids in the past couple of years I've always hoped for something to happen between us. Halfway through the trip when it hasn't, I get utterly depressed, say something to her, and all hell breaks loose. I really don't blame her for not wanting to go anywhere with me because that's what she expects to happen every time. So I thought that by proposing the "non-romantic getaway" I could convince her that an argument was not going to happen, thereby easing her mind and allowing her to just have fun without any relationship worries. Nonetheless, after reading your post I agree that I probably went about things the wrong way. Of course you're right that I don't really want to go away for a weekend alone with my wife without any chance of romance. But I would have certainly made the best of it if I thought it might eventually do some good.
You also have some really good points relative to "the list". My thinking on that one was that her list could include whatever I could do to show her that I love her - which very well could be helping with or taking over various tasks, but also could be something less task-oriented, such as calling her for no specific reason, sending flowers, etc. But I agree that the way I had intended to go about it could give her the impression that I'm wanting to "hang a banner on the wall saying see all the things that I do for you...". Based on your input, I'm scrapping that idea.
With regard to your recommendation to put myself and my own happiness first, I feel like that's a big part of what got me into this mess. I thought that trying to put her first might be the best way to make some progress. However it obviously hasn't worked. And although I have been trying to put her first, I doubt that she'd see it that way. I think she sees me as being completely selfish in this whole pursuit.
AchingMan was right by the way when he said that guys like he and I have something of a "hey I'm a sweet sensitive guy so why don't you want to give me some lovin?" complex". I know exactly how you feel AM.
MPT, I take it that your post was a subtle way of telling me that I'm acting like your dog when I'd probably have a lot more success if I could learn to act like your cat. I agree with you. I'm actually trying to become more cat-like, but I'm having a hard time doing so obviously. Anyway, as always I value your comments - even when they're creatively disguised as being revelations about your pets. In the spirit of becoming more catlike, I am trying to develop some outside interests/hobbies. I started running this week - hadn't really done any exercise to speak of since college and I decided at 34 I might need to start doing something to stay in shape. So I'm planning to go for a run three times a week after getting the girls to sleep. That will keep me from following my wife around like a dog - at least on the nights that I run. Also, I'm trying to learn how to play golf. When my wife was about to take the girls upstairs to get them to bed tonight (it was her turn) I told her that I was going out to hit a bucket of balls. How things like that will ultimately affect my situation with her remains to be seen.
