If you want to take your wife on a weekend getaway, make the plans, arrange for a sitter...then tell your wife you'd really like it if she went away with you for this weekend getaway you've planned. Tell her you've taken care of everything, there is nothing for her to do or plan except pack her suitcase. Period. Don't bring up what you expect, what you're not expecting, whether you can afford it or not....just do it. And then when you go, don't make any moves. Give her time to enjoy herself, and give yourself an opportunity to enjoy her. But don't tell her before hand that you won't be making any moves...just don't do it.
Don't worry about how long it takes you to get there, how many times you have to stop for potty breaks, how long it takes you to eat your road-side meal...there's no opportunity on this trip to beat your all-time low travel record, after all...
You sending her the email you did...while sweet...well, in my opinion, you were looking for her to let you off the hook...[I know you probably won't want to do this and you'll probably think we can't afford it...I won't do anything you don't want me to do...but I'd like to take you on a weekend getaway.] God...could you put any more preconcieved expectations onto that one? Guess what? Her answer to you was exactly the answer you were hoping she'd give you.
You knew she was going to say no, yet you still wanted Good Will points for coming up with the idea in the first place. But I bet you don't really want to go if you think before hand you aren't going to get any loving on a weekend away alone with your wife trip.
Stop that.
You be you. Let her be her. If after you've planned everything, you've arranged for a sitter, and she still doesn't want to go...then take your girls and leave her at home. She's not ALLOWED to go. And if she won't let you take the kids, call your best buddy and the two of you go. And if he's got plans, then go by yourself.
As for thinking of a way to ask her to help you make a list of 'the 10 things I can do to make you feel loved list'....well, don't do it like that.
On Friday night, ask her the things she wants to get done that weekend, listing them out in order of preference for you. Ask her to split the list in half so that you can help her. If she wants to go grocery shopping, make sure you keep the girls so she can go by herself. And while she's out grocery shopping, do the things on your list you can get done with your girls home.
Don't look for accolades, don't look for thanks, don't give her the big hound dog eyes when she doesn't say a word to you about your good deeds. She probably won't. Make sure you fit into your weekend time for you to do the things you'd like to do (besides sex), and keep on keeping on.
Period.
And if after a month or so of doing this she doesn't say anything, thank you in any way, then tell her you really think it sucks that she can't even say thank you.
Then keep on making the lists, keep on doing your half, and keep on keeping on. Keep busy. Keep planning. Keep telling her you love her, keep on smiling, enjoy your girls...and keep your attention focused on your concious moment.
But for God's sake, quit looking for the banner to hang on the wall that screams at her "see all the things I do for you to show you how much I love you?"
For once in your life, put yourself and your own happiness first. It's okay.
Sorry if I have come across as harsh. I don't mean it that way...I'm actually rooting very hard for you.
