So I married a sex addict...

[happycamper]

Hi Grant

Thanks so much for your post and the time you spent writing it. It is interesting to read what you have to say.

I think if you are a sexual person, and you end up feeling that you are not desired in your R, I know with me, it pushed me toward an online sexual relationship.

That is very true for my H, I know that. I don't know how much you have read of my stuff, but I had major sexual problems in the first 10 years of our R, and although they don't excuse H's behaviour, they certainly contributed to his insecurity big time.

If you continue to validate someone with an addiction of this type, I think it only prolongs the period of denial about the extent of their problem.

Do you think I am validating him? In what way? Am curious to know what you mean...

I think that you are doing the right thing by allowing him to be at home to see the kids, but I would think that you absolutely must set more boundaries about his behaviour with OP.

In what way? What sort of thing do you mean?

I know it's desperately hard when you want to make your marriage work, and you love him with all your heart.

Sadly, the thought of my marriage 'working' fills me with fear, and I cannot say that I am actively looking for reconciliation. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing the right thing (see above post) but 90% of the time I consider this R to be over.

I have stated quite categorically that unless he is actively working on his issues (preferably by joining a 12-step programme)I would not wish to reconcile our R. The thought of getting back together with him, his behaviour continuing after a honeymoon period, and then telling the children we are splitting up again drives me to shut the door on this thing for good.

Do take care, and if it means anything at all, I think you have a good deal more to be hopeful about than I think you'll ever know.

Hmmm... do you mean that if I detach fully from him and don't stay in a position of enabling him that it could bring about a significant change in him, enough to make a R with him safe for me?

Please do reply if you have time, I would like to read your answers to the above!