P.S. Keep in mind that just because your actions may not bring about immediate results does not mean you are trying the wrong action. Think of placing a pot of water on the stove and turning the burner on high. The water does not boil immediately. It takes time to warm up.
You will need to give your new actions time to take effect.
Also, your wife will probably continue to treat you in the same manner for a while...and she's doing it out of habit. The two of you have created a dance together, and she knows it so well, she's on autopilot. It will take her some time to realize you aren't doing the same dance steps anymore.
Also remember that when she does push your buttons, you have the power to control your reaction to her. You do not have to get pissed if you choose not to. (That's a kicker, isn't it?)
Try to live in the conscious moment, understanding that every action you take, and every reaction you might have are under your control. You cannot control her actions or reactions to you. You can control yours. If you continue to act and react in unexpected manners, she will eventually notice. And she will change. She has no choice.
But remember, too, that as she gradually begins to change, you will, too.
You are now in unchartered water, my friend. You must make your own map...there is no right, no wrong. Sometimes you'll run aground, and you'll learn not to run aground anymore.
